Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Bankrupt your company and get rich

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In case you haven’t heard, meaning that you must have been visiting friends and relatives on Cedi Alpha Six for the past year, those financial wizards at AIG who went begging for aid from the Federal Reserve to the tune of $85,000,000,000 last September, and got it, decided to give out bonuses to the upper level staffers in the vicinity of $18,000,000,000.

Just imagine how big those bonuses would have been if they broke even or, dare I say it, made a profit.

So instead of taking harmonica lessons in an 8 by 10 cell from a 350 pound, sweaty man named ‘Pounder’, the Ivy Leaguers are fighting over the aisle seats in the corporate jet on the way to the Bahamas. All courtesy of the US taxpayer.

Not to be outdone, the Big Three of the auto industry ambled over to the tax dollar trough and sucked up a few tens of billions for themselves with promises to be back for more in a couple of months. The threat that they used to strong-arm the Congress was huge layoffs. They promptly went back to Detroit, cash in hand, and started laying off everyone in sight. Michigan has the highest unemployment rate in the country.

Meanwhile, inventories of gas guzzling monsters are growing. The statement of “Buy American” has a hidden clause of “No matter what.”

I can sympathize with these poor, down-trodden multimillionaires. My Uncle Seamus has gone through financial difficulties with his store. He sells snow blowers, snow shovels, plows and ice melting chemicals. All top of the line stuff at discount prices. Unfortunately his store is in Key West.

So Seamus is on his way to D.C. It is going to take some time to get there since a snowblower can only go about eight mph and the distance from his store to D.C. is 1208 miles. He is going to be on the road for sometime.

So if you see a guy on a snowblower cruising up Interstate 95 give him a wave. He just trying to get some of your money.

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Written by harmonycounty

April 17, 2009 at 4:42 p04

Posted in Americana

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