Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Catching fishermen

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   Now that winter is breaking up fishing season is upon us. This leads me to recite the fisherman’s prayer, “Lord please let me catch a fish so big that even I do not have to lie about it.”

   So me and the rest of the Looney Toons are checking our gear and sneaking off to the bait shop to surreptitiously get our little brown bags of the latest lures and sure-fire,  catchalls that are going to put us over the daily limit within minutes.

   The contents of those bags are taken home and placed lovingly in a tackle box the size of a baby’s crib to join last season’s ‘never miss’ stuff. If you add the cost of all the gear up, a pound of bass would come out to around $187.35.

   Remember, fishing lures are designed to catch fishermen, not fish. Case in point, I recently saw a lure that looked like a miniature sunfish chasing a small school of tiny fish. If game fish can laugh, this one has got to have them rolling around on the bottom of the pond.

   The sad part about it is that a kid with a cane pole, cork bobber and a container of worms will do as well or better than his over equipped dad.

   If you need to catch a large amount of fish there are such items as trot lines, seine nets, electric shock and high explosives. I’d be very careful with the last item. The game wardens take a dim view of folks dynamiting their dinner. Plus, the HE approach lacks subtlety. And if you screw up with the big boomer the results could be more severe than a hook in a finger.

   I once same some Fish and Game wardens use the electric technique to do a population survey in a local lake. First they hung a section of mesh fence over the side of their boat. At this point I yelled over to them that I had been fishing that area for most of the day and had come up empty. They smiled and waved back.

   They gave the fence a quick jolt with some car batteries. Up to the surface came a whole mess of fish. They were stunned. So was I. The lads did a quick count, picked up a representative sample of each type and weighed and measured them. Then they gave them an aspirin, apologized and released them.

  After a while the other fish woke up looking a bit confused and went slowly back home probably muttering to themselves about how their heads felt.  

    The wardens looked over to me, smiled, waved again and motored off to their next area. That was the last time I ever gave anyone advice about fishing.

   So let us not forget the purpose of the exercise. The idea is to get outdoors, enjoy a sunshiny day, get a little fresh air and have a good time. If you catch a fish or two well, that is just icing on the cake.© 2009, Jim McGowan




Written by harmonycounty

April 17, 2009 at 4:42 p04

Posted in Americana

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