Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Things are getting wacky, again

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   On May 31 in Travis County, Texas a 72-year-old great-grandmother got tasered by a deputy after she allegedly gave him some lip when she was pulled over for speeding. A granny flopping around on the highway like a boated tuna paints quite a picture.

   But, the tasering may have been a ‘preemptory strike’. Texans love their guns at any sex or age.

   When the Woman’s Division of the Texas Republicans has their annual convention they don’t have to go through a metal detector to get in. The cops know that they are all packin’ anyway so, why bother. Who needs a dump truck load of perfumed pistols?

   If you are a speaker at the convention you choose your words carefully. The sound of a couple thousand handguns being simultaneously cocked is the Texas way of showing disapproval.

   It is OK by me. You can probably remember when the government passed out $250 billion in aid to a bunch of banks nationwide. Ten of the banks got back on their collective, Gucci-clad feet and wanted to repay their loans to the tune of $68 billion.

   Here’s the kicker. They had to get permission from the Treasury Department to do so. Hey, Uncle Sam, part of that action was my tax dollars, albeit a tiny part. Quit fooling around, GTMAR (Grab the money and run.)

    Is my calendar broke? They had the last game of the Stanley Cup finals on June 12. I always thought that hockey was a winter game. Now, with the temperatures in the 80s and 90s in Detroit where the game was played the lads are out there slapping the puck around. Come on, ice hockey and sun block does not mix.

   According to a recent article in the ‘Wall Street Journal’ Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor said in a lecture at the University of California in 2001, “a wise Latina woman . . . would more often than not reach a better conclusion [as a judge] than a white male.”

    Here is a little food for thought. What if the quote had been reversed and made by someone like Dick Cheney? Holy frijoles! You can bet that the liberal roof would come off the House and so many Cheney effigies would be burnt that the smoke would bring on an early winter.

   Unless, of course, she was referring to me as the, “white male” then she probably would be correct.

      On a serious note, last week I was running errands. I was out for about 35 minutes on a bright, clear morning around 10 a.m. In that short span of time I saw four fender benders. One of the wrecks involved six cars, another three. I hope that no one was injured and am pretty confident there wasn’t since no ambulances were present.

   Let us all try to remember. Playing bumper cars is reserved for the county fair. Put down the cell phones and lattes and pay attention to what you are doing. At least 13 drivers had a bad day.© 2009, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

July 15, 2009 at 4:42 p07

Posted in Americana, Humor

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