Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

College vs. the Pros

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  I am on my annual trip through ‘hog heaven.’ It is college football season and my Saturday is spent glued to the TV from noon to midnight, adult beverage in one hand, a chicken wing in the other and the remote in the next.

   My alma mater, Auburn is doing well, better than expected by most accounts. They have been on the tube every weekend so I’m a happy Tiger.

   I much prefer college football to ball at the professional level. It seems to me that when the schools play there is much more excitement. The pros are just that. They are the absolute best and that perfection, to me at least, can be boring.

   In college games, things can go in the opposite that is expected in a flash. Some of the most spectacular goofs in sports are committed each Saturday and that adds excitement to the game. In the pros, it is a rare event to see a fumble or an interception and the last time a safety was scored Nixon was in office.

   Some other things add to the college game. One is the bands. In every game at either the college or high school, the kids in the band seem to have the best time. It doesn’t much matter how good they are. Some of the band directors at the high school level seemed to be pleased just to get most of the musicians to finish at the same time.

   I have seen some rather freestyle marching exhibitions with about half of the tuba section wandering around in the parking lot after attempting to march in the same direction as the rest of the mob.

   I also get a kick out of the loony toons that wear shock wigs in the school’s colors and paint their bodies to spell out the school’s name or mascot name.

   This can be carried too far as in the Ramblin’ Wrecks allegedly spelled out, “The Georgia Institute of Technology Yellow Jackets, 219 Uncle Heinie Way, Atlanta, Georgia 30332 – 0320, (404-894-2000).” I guess engineers are sticklers for detail no matter how much beer was consumed for breakfast.

   Sometimes this enthusiasm thing can be pushed to the limit. I refer to those @#$%!& cowbells that Mississippi State fans are constantly ringing. The SEC outlawed them in 1974. That went over as well as we accepted the metric system back in 1975. If you really fell the need for a crushing headache just go to a Bulldog game. I can only guess what happens when the MSU fans go to church and hear an inspiring sermon.

   Then there are the cheerleaders. Sometimes I find it difficult to focus on the game as in, “They were playing football too?” There must be some sort of rule stating that all cheerleaders, boy or girl, must have at least 83 sparkling, white teeth showing at all times. Enough said about cheerleaders before I get into trouble.

   So give me SEC football every time. War Eagle!! © 2009 Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

December 30, 2009 at 4:42 p12

Posted in Americana, Humor, Sports

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