Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

I told you so

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   So South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford gets the good news on Thursday afternoon that the charges against him have been dropped and he is off the impeachment hook. He immediately calls a meeting of his cabinet and settles in to complete his remaining months in office.

   Not so fast, Your Excellency. The other shoe is about to drop, from a great height. On Friday morning, start of business, in walks the process server with the divorce papers that have just been filed by the lawyers for his wife, Jenny, concerning the affair he had with his Argentine “soul mate”.

    You can’t convince me that this was a coincidence. Jenny had to have been waiting with her finger on the trigger. He gets clear of one problem and in comes the next. What ever could have happen to him in an impeachment was merely slap and tickle in comparison to what is going to happen next.

   How bad is it? The comedian, Robin Williams, had some cutting remarks on his HBO special. South Carolina makes the big time again. If I didn’t know better Williams may have borrowed a few lines of a column I wrote a few months ago. I told you so.

   Then there is the Tiger Woods nonsense occupying a whole bunch of ink. I don’t pretend to be a marriage counselor nor the proud owner of a crystal ball. (I had to hock it years ago.) But, if Tiger thought he had a rough time of it in the last Masters it is nothing like what is coming up next.

   If ever there was a trophy wife, Elin Nordegren, certainly fills the bill. So after millions of dollars worth of homes, yachts and a wedding ceremony that was reported to have cost between $1.5 to $2 million things have taken a serious turn for the worse.

   So far there have been named 14 women to claim to have had an affair with Tiger. That is according to a report published recently in the, “New York Post”. All claim that their affairs were before and during Tiger’s marriage. Remember he was married in October, 2004. Fourteen women in four years! Plus a wife by whom he had two children.

   No wonder his game took a downhill turn. He had to be exhausted. How he managed to walk the course is simply mind-boggling. How he managed to play is overwhelming.

   Well Tiger, if you think Phil Mickelson gave you a bad time, just stand-by. Right now you can bet that Elin has enough lawyers to fill up the 18th hole bleachers at Augusta.

   Another report, this time from Great Britain, says that Elin has given Tiger the ultimatum, “Me or golf”. Yeah, right. I once read where Tiger makes around $400,000 for each stroke he takes. Once Elin gets through with him he’ll be playing in the Senior Tour and living in a used RV.

   Boys, there are two things you have to learn to control. The second one is your ego. © 2009 Harmony County


Written by harmonycounty

December 30, 2009 at 4:42 p12

Posted in Americana, Humor

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