Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

True meaning?

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   Have you had enough turkey to last you awhile? For reasons I have yet to understand we always roast a turkey big enough to say, “Moo”. The Thanksgiving feast is a welcome meal. Turkey sandwiches on Friday to go along with the football games are nice.            

    However, turkey croquets on Saturday, turkey over rice on Sunday, turkey tetrazzini (not my favorite) on Monday and turkey soup on Tuesday is really pushing it. What is next, turkey ice cream? By Wednesday, I end up fighting it out with the dog for his Alpo.

    Then there are some traditions that I enjoy. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, all the football games and seeing my friends and neighbors is always great fun. However, there is always a downside.

   I am amazed and appalled by ‘Black Friday’. Lining up a midnight to be first through the door at one a.m. or camping out in the parking lot to get the five a.m. sale is beyond my comprehension. At least this year the causalities were kept to the minimum and there were no reported shoot-outs in toy stores as has happened in the past.

   I understand that retailers are trying hard to make up for lost ground due to the bad economy, but this predawn sale blitz seems to take the entire spirit of the holiday and stomps it flat under the heavy heel of commercialism.

   Then there are the endless ostensive ‘holiday’ movies that we are going to be inundated with for the next four weeks. By and large, these movies are stinkers of the first order and are as predictable as the tides.

   They all follow the same formula. A family is having a miserable time of it around Christmas. Suddenly a cute kid/cute dog/cute senior citizen appears and wisely teaches the group ‘the true meaning of Christmas’. Cut to the final scene where everyone is holding hands and looking sappy enough to induce diabetes.

  There are exceptions. I was strangely fixated by the one where the elves turn into vampires and start to feed on the reindeer and Santa has to drive little green and red stakes with bells attached through their hearts. You do not see that one much anymore and only late at night on cable.

   Then there is the continuous showing of, “It’s A Wonderful Life” starring James Steward and Donna Reed playing two of the most corn-fed all-Americans types ever devised by man.

   It is bearable if you see it once a year. But to have every station on the dial, including The Weather Chanel, showing it continuously is more than one can bear. Even the most kindhearted individual after the tenth time out is ready to change the catch phrase, “Every time a bell rings and angel gets his wings,” to “Every time you hear a bell you can wring an angel’s neck”.

   So my appeal for the season is this; don’t let the dumb-downed TV and budget-busting sales pitch make us forget, “The true meaning of Christmas”. © 2009 Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

December 30, 2009 at 4:42 p12

Posted in Americana, Humor

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