Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Was 2009 silly enough for you?

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   It is time to recap the weirdness that was 2009. Going over the columns there were some items that were truly outstanding. In no particular order, here are a few.

   “You lie” put Congressman Joe Wilson and South Carolina on the national political map. To call a politician a liar is like calling a shark a guppy. However, to do it in front of the entire collection of Congressman and Senators throws the assemblage into confusion since each of them was thinking, “Are you talking to me?”

   Then there was the Nobel Peace Prize awarded to President Obama. He had been on the job for a matter of days (12) when the selection committee met and decided. I do not remember peace breaking out at any time during his term in the Oval Office. Plus, if he qualified for the Peace Prize, I should have at least gotten a runner-up for Literature.

   The Washington Post did a serious no-no. Last summer they were caught trying to run a series of ‘meet and greets’ for $25,000 each or $250,000 for 12. The deal was the lobbyist would come up with the cash and The Post would come up with the influential politicians and committee members. Funny, that story was only in the news for two days. Was that a case of, “Honor among thieves”?     

   I always consider myself pretty good when it came to geography. After all, given enough time I can name all 38 states. However, I had no idea that the Appalachian Trail went all the way to Argentina. Governor Mark Sanford made the trip in record time. Now he is blazing a trail to divorce court. Once again, South Carolina made the national news.

   Since we are on the subject of wedded bliss, how about Tiger Woods? The latest count of women who claim to have teed off with him is up to14! If they all are going to testify at his divorce hearing, they are going to need a bus to get them there. You can bet your putter that Tiger is going to provide more material for future columns.

   There was an interesting occurrence at Riverbanks Zoo in Columbia, South Carolina. It seems that a gorilla escaped from his enclosure. On his brief escape, he managed to rough up a keeper. They shot him full of sleeping darts and returned him to his cage where he took a long nap and woke up with a bad case of the munchies.

   This incident disqualified Riverbanks as a place of safekeeping for the terrorists being held in Guantanamo. I suppose that it all has to do with opposable thumbs. But, I would rather have a gorilla on the loose than those guys.

   Speaking of a group of less than savory neighbors the pirates in Somalia made the news. Somebody took my suggestion and they are putting armed guards aboard ships in the area and stepping up patrols. Jack Sparrow is looking for a new line of work.

   I can hardly wait for 2010.  

   Happy New Year. © 2009 Harmony County


Written by harmonycounty

December 30, 2009 at 4:42 p12

Posted in Americana, Humor

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