Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Would you prefer a cane?

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  So Republican Congressman Joe Wilson pops off during the President’s speech about health care to the Congress. When the President got to the point that illegal aliens would not be covered by his proposed plan Congressman Joe evidently heard enough and shouted, “You lie!” I’d say that the Congressman disagreed with the Prez.

   OK, it is bad manners to shout out during a President’s speech. You might just startle some other pol that is catching up on his sleep. Some of these guys have been around since 78 rpm, vinyl records and who knows if their pacemakers can keep up with the stress.

   The next day Wilson made a public apology carried by all the networks including The Cartoon Network. The Prez and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi both said that the apology was accepted and let’s move along to more important issues. But, oh no.

   The House Democrats got together and decided to sanction Wilson. They held a vote and you can guess which way it went. I’m sure that Wilson’s pillow was soaked with bitter tears that night. It might have been more effective if they made him write “I will not pop off during the President’s speech,” one hundred times on the blackboard and make him wear a dunce cap and sit in the corner.

    Then about a week later former President Jimmy Carter chimes in and says the “You lie” was racially inspired. (Jimmy was Georgia’s little gift to the rest of the country. “We’ve had enough of him; let’s see what you can do.”) I think that Jimmy should go back to building houses, but shouldn’t be allowed around the power tools or on a ladder. He’s getting on.

   If you look at history an outburst like that is small potatoes. In 1804 Vice-President Aaron Burr shot and killed Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton in a duel after Hamilton’s derogatory remarks about Burr appeared in the press.

   To see what the South Carolina delegation is capable of all politicians should remember this. In 1856 Congressman Preston Brooks took his cane and, on the Senate floor, beat the daylights out of Vermont Senator Charles Sumner for a speech he made. Others tried to intervene, but another SC Congressman, Laurence Keitt, held them at bay with a drawn pistol. Brooks broke his cane over Sumner in the fracas.

    History does repeat itself because when word got out, Brooks received dozens of new canes, one with the message, “Hit him again.” The same with Wilson. Since the outburst the Congressman has received a ton of campaign contributions from his district and nationwide.

   With that in mind I’d like to say that the President is a big, dumb, poopy head. I’m running for a yet to be determined office. Send your contributions, cash only, to this paper.

   Calling a politician a liar is like calling Mount Everest a hill. There is an old adage that goes, “You can always tell when a politician is lying because his lips are moving.” © 2009 Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

December 30, 2009 at 4:42 p12

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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