Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Hot enough for you?

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     This was a recent AP release, “Officials in Germany say eight teenagers were hospitalized after a test of courage in which they drank chili sauce more than 200 times hotter than normal.
   “ The Red Cross in the southern city of Augsburg says that 10 boys, aged 13 and 14, year drank the sauce Wednesday morning, apparently in school.
   “The German news agency DAPD quoted the Red Cross as saying the boys complained of feeling sick, and eight were taken to a hospital. They were to be kept in overnight for observation.
   “The Red Cross said that on the Scoville scale, which measures the hotness of sauce, the sauce measured 535,000 — compared to 2,500 for normal Tabasco sauce.”

   I take some small comfort to know that the United States is not the sole source of knot-headed teenagers. Having raised three teenage boys I can give lengthy testimony to the fact that if given the opportunity a teenage boy will manage to get himself in some of the most ridiculous situations. Not like us who never did anything stupid and were a source of constant joy to our parents.

    This hot sauce thing is a classic example of ‘macho’. I have seen full-grown men with the sweat pouring off them and tears in their eyes swearing that the hot sauce they have just put on their chicken wings was the best thing they have ever tasted. Go figure. Describing something that puts you in agony as good is beyond my comprehension.

   I once had and experience with hot food. It is one I will not repeat. I was on vacation in Mexico. I am the exploratory type so we stopped off in a small fishing village outside of Veracruz for lunch. We ate at a seaside restaurant and I asked the waiter if what I just ordered was ‘hot’. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “No senor. The children eat this”.

   One mouthful later, I was rolling around on the floor trying to rip my tongue out. There was no amount of beer, water, milk, or bad language that could extinguish that fire. The local clientele were amused. (I have since learned that rock candy is supposed to sooth the pain. I am not in a hurry to test that theory.)

   Back to the German kids. The stuff was 200 times hotter than Tabasco. What was it, Napalm? This sounds like a chemistry lesson gone seriously wrong. It has to be more than embarrassing to have to go to the hospital to be treated for ‘bottom blisters’. You can bet the hospital staff had some fun with that one.

   I’m sure the little idiots have not learned their lesson. They will probably plot their next lunacy when they get out of the bathroom. I just hope they have fire extinguisher with them when they are on the porcelain throne.

   Incidentally, I have no idea who Scoville is, but evidently, he has a lot of time on his hands.


Written by harmonycounty

February 1, 2010 at 4:42 p02

Posted in Americana, Humor

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