Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

When I say ‘Volcano’ you say ‘Eyjafjallajokull’

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   ‘Eyjafjallajokull’, try saying that three times fast. If you can you are doing better than me. I can’t even say it one time slow. If someone came up to me and yelled, “Eyjafjallajokull”! I wouldn’t know what to do. Should I call an ambulance, look to the sky for something out of a Godzilla movie, check my fly, or kick him in the tenders?

   Well, as it turns out that is the name of the volcano in Iceland that has been turning frequent flyers into part-time pedestrians. However, you may hear that name again because you can bet that the concessionaires in most of the major European airports are raking it in from their captive audience and are sure to name their next kid after it, or maybe at least Volcano. As in Volcano DuBois which would be a great name for either a boxer or a stripper.

   As usual, the media is making hay while the dust flys. One of their stories involves a big sister volcano about 12 miles away. Oddly enough, it is named Katya. I guess the volcano namers got into trouble with the mapmakers and calmed down.

   The talking heads would have us believe that Katya could blow any second, close down airports for months, and throw us all into a new ice age. As it turns out the last time Katya did her thing was 1921 and the time before that was 1821.

   Finally, they got a scientific opinion from a PhD Seismologist who had been there on multiple occasions who essentially said that things were calm around Katya, but yeah it was a volcano and volcanoes erupt from time to time and nobody knows for sure when.

   Then there were the heartfelt interviews with the stranded passengers. I’m sorry, I can feel for them, but can’t quite reach them. If ever there was an opportunity for the old lemon/lemonade routine I’ve never heard of one.

   These folks are stuck in Europe, not Sudan. Hop the bus back to town, do the tourist act, sample some of the local cuisine, and enjoy yourself. If you can’t, just sit tight, catch up on your reading or sleep, and get to know the folks around you who are in the same circumstances.

   The folks I met in Europe were all nice, except for those two bouncers in a beer joint in Frankfort. But, we don’t need to go there.

   The funniest part of this fiasco was the airline execs. They are looking for someone to blame so they can sue them. Who are you going to sue, God, Mother Nature, the Prime Minister of Iceland? They claimed they lost $1.7 billion. However, how much did they save on fuel, wear and tear and other operating expenses?

   How much maintenance did they catch-up on? Ask any aviation mechanic and he will tell you it is much easier to work on planes when they are standing still.

   I’m sure not going to fall for a bleeding heart story from a millionaire airline CEO.

   Are you?© 2010, Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

April 26, 2010 at 4:42 p04

Posted in Americana, Humor

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