Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Shake it baby, shake it!

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   There was some slow walking and sad singing down at the offices of the United States Geologic Service the other day. The muffled sobs of scientists who had spent their lives studying, measuring, and tramping the hills could be heard throughout the building. They had been barking up the wrong seismic tree all along.

   According to one source plate tectonics, continental plates, plate subduction, etc. had less to do with earthquakes than blue-plate specials and granny’s upper plate. An AP report stated that one of Iran’s chief clerics, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, (pronounced Smith) said, “Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes”.

   You have to remember that Iran requires by law for all women to wear black from head to toe, kind of like Zorro in drag. This goes a long way to explain why the Miss Iran entrant in the Miss Universe Pageant doesn’t do well in the evening gown portion and you can forget about the swimsuit competition.

   The dress that gets those immoral Iranian bimbos into trouble was described as, “…tight coats and scarves pulled back that shows much of their hair”. (Excuse me, that lurid picture makes me need a cold shower.)

   As goofy as this explanation about the cause and effect of earthquakes may sound, when you think about it, it may be an explanation for all the tremors felt in California.

   The gals, and the guys for that matter, usually wear thongs only when it gets chilly. The rest of the year, they go really skimpy in the beachwear department. However, on second thought, the coeds on Spring Break on the Gulf Coast and Florida are not exactly overdressed and never a shimmy is felt. However, many are appreciatively observed.

   When Smithy’s news reached President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced Jones) that things were sure to be shaken up in Tehran soon, he took immediate action.

   Tehran sits astride of scores of earthquake faults. The price of homeowners insurance must be something to be seen. It has a population of 12 million. Jonesy said that 5 million citizens would be moved to a safe area. The Prez is a true humanitarian.

   So far, there has been no mention of where the lucky 5M are going, nor what they are going to do for a living when they get there.  

   If you recall, in June 2009 weeks of rioting broke out when Jonesy was reelected. A big hunk of the population called the vote a fraud. Such that it would make a Chicago alderman blush. The riot was calmed down in the usual Iranian way, immediately thereafter occurred a run on coffins citywide.

      Anyone on the wrong side of Smitty or Jonesy, now is a good time to load up Phyllis the camel and head across the dunes because who do you thing is going to be on the top of the list when the sheriff arrives with the eviction notices?© 2010, Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

May 14, 2010 at 4:42 p05

Posted in Humor, Politics

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