Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

A summer long ‘monkey dance’

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    It looks like we got another ‘monkey dance’ on the way. The President nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan, 50 as the replacement of retiring Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens, i.e. a liberal replacing a liberal.

   Between now and sometime in late summer when the voting occurs Kagan will be making courtesy calls to nearly all of the senators who will be voting on her nomination. The drill is that she will be very careful not to revel anything about her opinions on issues hence, the ‘monkey dance’.      

   Conspicuous in its absence will be the traditional poo throwing portion of the dance that it favored by our simian friends. However, I am sure that she will wish she included it after her visit to Senator Lindsey Graham, R-SC. She publicly bitch-smacked Graham over the Guantanamo prisoners getting civilian trials.

   You can bet your bottom tort that the Republicans are going to dig up every possible piece of dirt that they can between now and the conformation.

   If she had to write, “I shall not talk in class”, 100 times on the blackboard while she was in 3rd grade we are going to hear about it. (Telling a future lawyer not to talk is like telling a shark to quit eating seafood.)

   At any rate, here is the bottom line. There are 57 Democrats and three Independents in the Senate. The Indies usually vote along with the Dems. It takes a simple majority of 51 to be confirmed. You do not have to be much of a political pundit to figure out which way the vote is going to go.

   Yet for the next few months, there is going to be charges and counter charges from both sides of the aisle. So, instead of taking care of the people’s business we are going to watch and hear endless pontifications by way of sound bites leading up to what I consider a lead pipe cinch.  

   The only way she is not going to get the golden gavel is if she is caught eating a baby on the Supreme Court steps.

   Speaking of gavels, I wonder who supplies them. Do the justices have to buy their own or do they sign for and draw one from the Supreme Court Supply Room? Do they leave them on the bench, or do they keep them in a ready rack like a baseball bat rack found in the dugout? I could picture them taking practice swings like an on-deck batter before their ups.

   How about the robes, are they issued or do the judges get a uniform allotment? Is there some sort of locker room where they suit up and go through a pre-trial ritual? You know, put on their trial face, do high fives, put their hands together in a circle, and chant the Supreme Court mantra, “Supreme, Supreme, some lawyer’s gonna get reamed”!

   And here is the $64 question. Just what do the justices wear under those robes? Maybe that is why Justice is blind.© 2010, Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

May 21, 2010 at 4:42 p05

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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