Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Maybe ‘Redneck’ isn’t all bad

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   We have all seen those quips that start off with, “You might be a Redneck if…” These I believe were started by the comedian Jeff Foxworthy from Forest Park, Ga. Here are a few that a friend sent me over the internet. I do not know who the original author is; however, they are pretty good.

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is                                                             

     in it. 

3. You have been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night. 

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean. 

6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this”. 

7. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.  

8. Your junior prom offered day care. 

9. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen, start your                    

     engines”.

10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 

11. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 

13. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 

14. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of

       Tattoos.

15. You cannot get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it. 

16. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

    I am guilty of stereotyping some of our friends and neighbors so in order to balance the equation I offer the following:

   You might be a redneck if;

1. You have good manners that come naturally; are courteous to your elders and those    

    around you.

2. You have honorably served in the military or, if not, are respectful of those who have.

3. You stand and put your hand over your heart and sing along when the National

    Anthem is played.

4. You love your pets and treat them like loyal and loving family members.

5. When your Aunt Tilly or Uncle Bobo, who are a little touched, start telling stories you

    have heard 1,000 times before you listen patiently, smile, and nod your head in

    agreement.

6. You will barbeque anything that isn’t moving and then invite your friends, neighbors,

    and passersby to join in.

7. When invited to an impromptu barbeque you wouldn’t think of going without bringing

    something along.

8. You love sports and actively and vocally support your teams from the professional

     level to the peewee soccer team.

9. When folks who are on the other side of the world suffer a disaster, you help out the

    school kids, church groups, and civic clubs who are voluntarily providing support.

10. You are an honor graduate of the School of Laidback.© 2010, Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

June 13, 2010 at 4:42 p06

Posted in Americana, Humor

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