Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

We are on another list

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   Once again, the State of South Carolina made somebody’s Top 10 list. This time the list was prepared by the New York City based Bloomberg BusinessWeek. The name of the list is, “The Top Ten Laziest States”. We came in at Number 8.

    The Number one through seven were in order; Louisiana, Mississippi, Arkansas, North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, and West Virginia. We were followed by Alabama and then by Delaware. Anybody besides me notice a trend in the selections? Let me give you a hint, think Mason-Dixon Line.

   The criteria and the results for us Gamecocks was; “Time sleeping: 8 hours, 42 minutes, Time watching TV: 3 hours, 7 minutes, Time relaxing and thinking: 25 minutes, Time socializing: 40 minutes, Time working (averaged over total population ages 15 and older): 3 hours, 26 minutes… Obesity ranking: No. 9 (29.9 percent)”.

   I can see some problems here. First off, has anyone been followed around by a person wearing a BusinessWeek press ID with a stopwatch? If not, if your boss gets the time working  figures you can bet he or she will be following you around for sure.

   The sleep thing also seems to be another one that leads room for interpretation. Personally, I haven’t slept that long in years. The exception to that is every March 18. I take my St. Patrick’s Day seriously. However, for the rest of the year it may be due to me only working for three hours and change per day.

   If you add up all the time up it comes out to 15 hours and 20 minutes, leaving eight hours and 40 minutes unaccounted. Just what have you been doing with the spare time? Have you been eating in an attempt to get us a higher obesity rating? Go figure what activities make up relaxing, thinking and socializing.

   Looking at the list, I’m a bit curious why Georgia didn’t make the cut. It is hard to believe that the people in Delaware can out sloth Georgians. How did Delaware get on the list to start? I was under the impression that Delaware was not a really a state. I thought it was a tax dodge for corporations.

   Have you ever met anyone from Delaware? The only people I know of are the DuPonts and I believe they don’t live there. They just own it.

   Let’s bottom line this scientific breakthrough. It is a derivation on the theme, “Confusing country for stupid/prejudice/lazy”. I once met an ostensively, well-educated young woman from Massachusetts who upon hearing my accent asked in less than five minutes, “Do you still treat blacks the same way in Georgia”? My response was, “No, they don’t allow us to beat our slaves anymore”. (That speaks volumes about a Smith College education.) By the way, she admitted she had never been south of NYC.

   Therefore, if anyone is looking for a stereotypical patsy just remember the verse written by a swamp Yankee from Connecticut, “Look away, look away, look away, Dixie Land”.© 2010, Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

August 6, 2010 at 4:42 p08

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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