Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

The evil that goes ‘moo’

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   I have been kicking around an idea that may help with our national oil addiction.

   Since this administration has demonstrated a costly policy of ‘leaflet drops’ for everyone and their fix rate leaves a great deal to be desired, how about throwing some of our money at a project that might do us some good.

   I am sick and tired about being at mercy of foreign oil companies. Every time some OPEC big shot decides they need another personal jet we get to foot the bill. I am seriously angry about going to the airport and waving goodbye to my sons and your sons and daughters for their next tour in the Middle East. I would would rather wave “wda’a” to the sheiks.

   What we need is a functional electric car. A car that can carry five adults, cruise the interstate at 70 mph for five hours with the air conditioner and lights on, and can get a full recharge in 15 minutes. What we are talking about is not a motor, so much as batteries.

   There are plenty of electric motors that drive golf carts, cars, trucks, trains, and recently airplanes, but there is always room for improvement

   The 70 mph was chosen because that is what the speed limit signs say on the Interstates. The five adults handles the family that averages 4.2 people in the US. The 15 minutes is for a break where the 4.2 people can get out, stretch their legs, have some junk food, take Rover for a walk, pile back in and get bored senseless for another five hours.

   Therefore, what we need to do is get the think tanks, tech colleges, and back yard mechanics worldwide on the job. The reward for their effort will be a $5 billion (That is an arbitrary figure) prize.

   However, the US government keeps the patent and sells manufacturing rights at $100 a pop. There are 250,000,000+ cars or pickups in the US. All will be replaced eventually to the tune of $25 billion. That is a tidy return and does not include the overseas income.

   Of course, the oil companies will try to crush this project like a beer can. The automobile companies will join in, but will eventually put down the pitchforks and torches since they know somebody is going to make those cars and it better be them.

   The power companies are going to be in the hue and cry because if a sufficient number of these super batteries can be combined with decent looking solar panels they are going to take a beating too.

   The tree huggers will get on board for this one, which is nice. Maybe they will lay off cars and go after the real villains in the air pollution game. Automobiles produce around 25% of the pollution. Farm animals around 37% according to a UN study.

   Old Recoilless, the contented cow tears up the environment from both ends and there is no way I am going near that problem.© 2010, Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

September 16, 2010 at 4:42 p09

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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