Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Another, “Yeah right” message

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   I was sitting out on the balcony the other morning enjoying a cup of coffee when a pig flew by. In my world, this is not particularly unusual. Moreover, the only time a flying pig causes distress is when he is over a windshield. Even the guys who try to cage a couple of bucks for cleaning a windshield when you are stopped for a red light will not come near that one.

   Around here weird is the Order of the Day. Take, for example, the time that I was abducted by aliens. While they were beaming me up, I was thinking about probes, brain transfers, and all the good stuff you read about in the grocery store press.

   In reality, all they wanted was a good fried chicken recipe and see if they could corner a few tickets to the next Georgia Tech game. They figured that despite their appearance they would blend right in with the rest of the Tech fans.

   And please don’t get me started on Bigfoot. I thought that having a bunch of teenage boys in the house could make a mess. Bigfoot makes them look like a bunch of junior cross-dressing ‘Suzie Homemakers’. You have no idea what hair in the bath drain is all about until the world’s largest hairball maker decides for a long, leisurely dip.

   Flying pigs, alien abductions, a squeaky-clean Bigfoot all seem unbelievable. But none of them is as hard to swallow as the President’s announcement last week that the recession has ended.

    Actually, the statement was that according to the President’s advisors the recession was officially over in June 2009. However, according to an AP Economics writer, “Since the recession began, 7.3 million jobs have disappeared. Nearly 2.5 million homes have been repossessed. Unemployment is at 9.6 percent.”

   A response to the announcement was, “Every single one of the individuals who wrote the report needs a serious reality check”, said Bob Johnson of the Queens borough of New York, who is 46, had worked in communications and has been looking for a job for more than three years.”

   All anyone has to do is take a walk downtown and look at all the storefronts with, ‘For Rent’ signs or drive around town and look at all of the ‘For Sale’ signs in front of the houses and figure out that, “Happy Days Aren’t Here Again”.

   As I have preached before after being in the newspaper business for 15 minutes you develop a BS detector that is rated up to one part per billion. So, with the elections upcoming and the Dems looking to take a beating the floodgates are open and the detector needle has been buried.

   Standby, this is the just the beginning. The next thing you know we all will be getting free health care.

   But, I could be wrong. Maybe the recession that ended in June of last year was the one they were experiencing on Mars, at least according to my alien abductors/Georgia Tech fans.© 2010, Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

September 30, 2010 at 4:42 p09

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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