Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

November the twoth

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    Next Tuesday, November 2 is a very important date for two reasons.

   The first reason is that it is Election Day. To me this is the most important day of the year. It does not matter to me whether you are a liberal or a conservative. You can be a Green Party supporter, a liberal Arian, a Tea Party voter, or whatever. You have to get out and vote.

   Your choice of candidate is strictly up to you. If you are still undecided here is a tip. I am suspicious of the candidate that, in their campaign ads, only points out the faults of their opponent.

   Is it really important if the other guy picks his nose all the way up to the third knuckle, ouch, or if he cheats at golf, who doesn’t, or takes baths in chocolate pudding, I am a coconut pudding man myself?

   What the candidate is not doing is telling us what he or she intends to do when they get into office. So, I am inclined to go with the nose-picking, golf-cheating, pudding bather just because I’m a firm believer in, “Better the devil you know rather than the devil you don’t know”.

   There is a benefit from voting. You get to wear one of those ‘I Voted’ stickers. You can go to work or parade around the neighborhood and smugly lord it over all those who didn’t get a sticker. Don’t fall for the line of those who say that they didn’t have any stickers at their poling place.

   I know for a fact that the blue rinse set that volunteer to staff the polls have plenty of stickers and if they run out, they have a stencil so they can spray paint the message on your forehead.

   I also believe that if you don’t vote you loose the right to pitch a bitch about what is going on in Washington or the State House. Imagine having to go for two long years without complaining about our politicians. I would not last a week and this column would suffer greatly. What would it be like not being able to take cheap shots at Mark Sanford?

   Another benie is that you get to catch up on the local gossip while standing in line. For example, I would have never known about what sinful goings-on occur in Harmony County’s imitation of “Desperate Housewives”.

   The second reason why Nov. 2 is a big deal is that it is my birthday. It is a birthday that I share with Roy Rogers, James K. Polk, Shelia Barnett Brown, and Attila the Hun. (I swear that one of my ex-wives was a direct descendant of Batty-Atty.)

   So stealing a line from Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers, (remember, good writers borrow, great writers steal), “Write your birthday greetings on the back of a $100 bill” and send it to me at this paper.

   However, at the risk of being redundant again, make sure you get out and vote. It’s important!© 2010, Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

October 28, 2010 at 4:42 p10

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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