Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Honestly, it snows in winter

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One of my favorite panic button pushers, The Weather Channel, has worn out a bunch of sledgehammers on the button lately.

It seems that the forecasters have had an epiphany in discovering that it is cold in winter and occasionally in northern states, it snows. Imagine my surprise, which, I am sure, was nothing, in comparison, to the shock that residents of those states must have had upon hearing the news.

Give me a break. You can make all the ‘Yankee’ jokes you care to, but they do know about snow. Grits may present them with an unsolvable quandary, however they are fully aware that it gets very cold in winter and white stuff falls from the sky upon occasion.

Even those who were not born north of the Mason-Dixon Line need only one winter to figure out what one must do to be prepared. Common sense makes up the shopping list. Three days supplies of canned goods, beer, water, beer, batteries for radios, beer, candles, beer, playing cards, board games and if you do not have a fireplace, a kerosene heater is a great help, don’t forget the beer.

It is going to be an indoor camping trip where you and your family are going to get to know one another more than you really want to. If it were my family, a set of boxing gloves would also be in order.

Now those of us who are fortunate enough to live south of the M-D Line have to face a different climatological situation. We have refined sweating to an art form. However, as our neighbors to the north know how to live with the snow, we manage to get along in the heat.

Where snow puts us into a mild flap, warm weather has northerners running around in tight little circles. An example of this is craziness exhibited by the folks in Atlanta demonstrated a while back when they got a decent amount of snow.

Up north, they are just as wacky. Years back I had taken the boys on an extended camping trip along the St. Lawrence Seaway. While passing through Maine I was listening to the radio. The announcer said, “Those of you who are planning on a run today had better get it in this morning. The weatherman has predicted a high of 83 degrees later on today”. He went on to describe the symptoms of heat stroke and what to do if you felt them coming.

I am not saying that we are not discommoded by high temperatures. However, we know that come July and August it is best to get your outside business done by noon and not resume until at least after 5 pm. The expression, “chillin’” has multiple meanings.

I forgot to mention in the emergency supply list, filling up your car with gasoline. One would think that it is counter to the instructions to stay off the roads. Not so, it is for northerners to get a head start on their escape to Florida.© 2011, Harmony County



Written by harmonycounty

February 10, 2011 at 4:42 p02

Posted in Americana, Humor

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