Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Grammar school discipline, now and then

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Aidan Elliott, 8, of Lakewood, Colo. got himself a face full last week according to a recent AP release. It seems that Aidan, who has a history of behavior problems, managed to get a piece of wood trim, and was threatening to stab the police who were called by school authorities.

I guess the cops got tired of fooling with the kid so they whipped out the pepper spray and gave him a couple of blasts. Evidently, that calmed Aidan down in a hurry. Police were quoted as saying, “it was the safest option”. I guess the other options were a tazing, a hickory shampoo with a nightstick or a couple of 9mm rounds. How about taking the stick away followed by a spanking that would leave Aidan eating standing up until Easter.

Aidan appeared on the “Good Morning, America” show and admitted he told the police that he wanted to kill them, “a little”. That is a kid who has some problems.

I cannot help but recall my days in grammar school. I went to a parochial school. The classes were big, up to sixty kids. However, the nuns managed to maintain control of the class even though they had to occasionally resort to the use of the trusty weapon of choice, the wood, 18-inch ruler. To this day, my knuckles ache when I am within 100 yards of a nun.

In addition, back in the day ADD or its related diseases were not known. However, we did have some kids that could not learn and it was not the fault of the teacher, they were just plain dumb. I am glad that the nuns did not have pepper spray back then. If so in my school, grades three through eight would end up smelling like five acres of ripe jalapenos.

Another kid made the national news. Jesse Koczon, 5 of Old Bridge, NJ was made honorary Governor for the day, while his twin brother Brandon was made honorary Lieutenant Governor. It seems that a video appeared on “YouTube” where Jesse was crying because somebody told him he was too small to be Governor. I guess it was a scene reminiscent to when John McCain got the word that Obama whipped him.

The Governor of NJ, Chris Christie decided to get a little friendly ink and had a ceremony at the State House where the kids got certificates and a chance to mug it up for the cameras. However, true to the politics that is New Jersey there was a slight flaw. It turns out that the twins might have not been, as innocent as they seemed.

I have it from a reliable source that the kids are currently under investigation for vote fixing in their kindergarten class president race that included votes cast by first graders and having a strong-arm squad of third graders at the polling place.

If any of that is true they may have a great future in NJ politics. They will fit right in.© 2011, Harmony County

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Written by harmonycounty

April 14, 2011 at 4:42 p04

Posted in Americana, Humor

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