Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

“Oh Canada, our home and native land”

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   Last week I subjected myself to a couple of sadistic forms of self-abuse. It was tantamount to getting a root canal on one day and a colonoscopy the next, all without the benefit of anesthetic.

   I watched the Republican Presidential Candidate debate and followed it up by watching the Presidents speech on the proposed “American Jobs Act”. I do not know what hurt worse, my head after the first or my butt after the second.

   Unlike the first RPC debate the moderators kept the eight presidential ‘wanna-be’s’ pretty much under control. They told the speakers that they had one minute for a response to a direct question and 30 seconds for a rebuttal to statements or accusations made by other panelists.

   I have it from a good source that before the debate the eight of the ten candidates were told that if they went more than 10 seconds over they would use a tazer on them. That would have been worth watching, particularly if you had four or five of them flopping around on the floor at the same time.

  Announcer, “Time is up, Senator…..Time…..” then ZAP, thud, flopity, flopity, flop.

  There were some interesting responses to the questions poised. One guy wanted a 9% universal tax. That is okay if you were making $50,000 a year, but a single mother of two making minimum wage would be hurting with a take home of $13,933.92 before state, Social Security and Medicaid deductions.

   But, that was balanced out by another candidate who wanted to abolish the minimum wage completely. As we all know ‘big business’ would never take advantage of that. That was the point when I threw away the aspirin bottle cap. I wouldn’t need it and I saved time.

   The President’s “American Job Act” speech was pretty much as expected. The stats are; he was interrupted by ovations 36 times, said, “You must pass this now” 17 times, and Joe Bidden did his bobble-head imitation a lot. I lost count at 253 bobbles, but he did stay awake. (Joe Wilson yelled nothing since the Secret Service gagged him and duct taped him to his chair.)

   The bottom line is this, the Prez wants $447 billion to fix the country’s woes and get everyone a job. That comes out to a bit over $1,433 for every man, woman and child in the country. In addition, he would cut taxes by half. 

   He did state that we “would not have to pay for it”. But, he did not mention who was going to pay out the nearly half a trillion. I guess ACORN paid more than I imagined. 

   During the speech he made moves that a broken field runner would envy, he dumped the whole thing in the Congresses lap 17 times.

   Recent history surely showed us how well congress cooperates, but none of that will be the President’s fault, remember, “You must pass this now”.

   Sorry gang, but when I recover, I’m changing my name and moving toCanada.

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Written by harmonycounty

September 15, 2011 at 4:42 p09

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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