Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

The Marine as a babysitter

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   I got an email the other day and it told a rather interesting story. It stated that after the 9/11 attack on the Pentagon a group of 41 Marines rushed into theChildCareCenterin the Pentagon, gathered up the toddlers and infants in their “heavy” cribs and took them to safety in a nearby park. There they formed a perimeter of the cribs, put the toddlers in the center of the circled wagons, and waited until the parents could come to claim them.

   Great story, but my BS detector went up to three on a scale of 10 and I decided to check it out more thoroughly.

   I went to my editor and showed him the story and he agreed that it had interest and I should check it out further. This is when I told him I would need some first-class tickets to D.C. a week at the Ritz-Carlton and $1,000 a day in expenses.WashingtonD.C.is an expensive place and you can’t blame a guy for trying.

  After he wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes and made some unprintable remarks about my IQ, he told me to check the internet, make some calls and if I needed help dialing I should ask the intern.

   As I said before the story did notch up the BS detector. First off, there was supposed to be at least 348 kids involved and 41 Marines. The Marines were going to need some more guys, a lot more guys. Forty-one Marines taking care of 348 Taliban goes under the heading of “Something to do on a Tuesday”. Forty-one Marines babysitting 348 toddlers and infants, after 15 minutes the Marines would much rather deal with the Taliban.

   Secondly, Marines do not just stand around. They are at either ‘Attention or in the front leaning rest’. Trying to get that many kids into formation just does not seem likely. Nor does moving so many cribs unless they crammed them into as few as cribs as possible like Marines in landing craft.

   I started my telephonic search with trying every number available concerning childcare in the Pentagon. One of the reasons that journalist do not like to do phone interviews is the response, or lack thereof. Saying that you are a reporter with the, “Harmony County Weekly Blister” is the same as introducing yourself as a Klingon and you would like to stop by and do some probing, the results are the same.

   I made eight calls and either the managers were, “in a meeting”, “out of the office” or just plain “unavailable”. I have to get a job like that. In a couple of instances when I related the story, my IQ was challenged again, but in more polite terms. Anyway, I got assurances that there would be a callback. I can only hope to live as long.

   Now the BS detector was up to nine.

   Finally, I did the internet search. The first four sites I clicked on all said the story was as phony as a three-dollar bill. It was as simple as that.

   Marines are tough hombres. However, they are no match for a three-year-old even if they promise the kid a USMC tattoo.

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Written by harmonycounty

September 29, 2011 at 4:42 p09

Posted in Americana, Humor

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