Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

“Val-deri val-dera my knapsack on my back”

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       I am sure you have all read in the paper or seen on TV the story about the two hikers who were taken by Iranian forces along the Kurdistan and Iranian border, convicted of spying, were sentenced, and imprisoned.

   Joshua Fattal and Shane Bauer, both 29 and both fromBerkeley,California were hiking along the Kurdistan andIranborder when they arrested in 2009. A secret trial was held and the two were sentenced to eight years for illegally crossing the border and spying, despite them saying that they were against the US policy towards Iran.

    Initially, the two were held in solitary confinement. Later they shared the same 8’X13’ cell. The Swiss delegate visited the pair on four occasions during their imprisonment and was instrumental in getting a lawyer who eventually arranged there release.

   After paying a $500,000 bail each, the two were sent free and are now back inBerkeley. In various press releases, the pair complained of their treatment, being in solitary confinement and of hearing other prisoners screaming in pain while being beaten.

   While I would never wish upon anyone a stretch in the Iranian prison system two ‘S’ words come immediately to mind. The first is ‘Stupid’ and the second is ‘Shakedown’.

   Josh! Shane! If you are reading this try not to move your lips while doing so and pay attention. Tip # 1, any country with a name that ends in “–stan” is definitely not a vacation destination. If a Sandals is not there avoid the place.

   Tip # 2,Iranand theUSare not the best of friends, you may have heard that, any American they can lay their hands on is in for a bad time.

   Tip # 3, Learn to use a GPS. That feature is included in every cell phone since 2001. My grandkids use it. Failing that, when out there singing “The Happy Wanderer” try reading a map. That may be a push for you two, but it is a skill worth having and does not need recharging.

   Boys, your cell was the Presidential Suite in an Iranian lockup, were you expecting a cell with a view of the pool? Be thankful they did not put you in with the general population. Think ‘pork chops and piranhas’. You two were too valuable.

   This is where the ‘Shakedown” comes in. ‘Bail’ after conviction is not likely. The Iranians had two “Wrong-way Corrigans” from a wealthy country and they were going to cash in. I wonder how that megabuck pie was sliced up. Oddly your lawyer did not get much. He was arrested after you got home.

   I heard that you two are going to open up a travel agency in Berkeley. I guess you will feature tours along the Pakistan and Afghanistanborder or maybe the line betweenNorth Korea and Red China, commie hospitality is well known.

   Well if you do I am sure your fellow Berkeleydiots will flock to your door. But, I would not expect any return business.


Written by harmonycounty

October 6, 2011 at 4:42 p10

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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