Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Make the bad men go away

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   Once again, it is time to bring in the dog and lock down the garbage can. The Republican ‘wanna-be’s’ have hit town and nothing and no one is safe. You can hardly walk to the mailbox without being buttonholed by a half dozen campaigners.

   Then there is the constant pounding on the door by the same group of intensely sincere supporters. I have a neighbor who is handy with electricity. He rigged up his doorbell so that when it is pushed a hidden loudspeaker blasts out President Obama’s Inauguration speech.

  This results in the victim soiling himself, slamming his hands to his ears, and running down the street screaming incoherently in panic. The downside is he has to hose down his porch and pick up all the campaign literature that was scattered on his lawn.

   I have another friend who, on the rare instance when an actual person calls on the phone instead of a recording, gives the phone to his five-year-old daughter and tells her it is Sponge Bob Square Pants calling. One can hardly tell who is babbling more.

   So let us look at our latest tourists.

   There is Mitt Romney who is going to tell us he never institutionalized health care in Massachusettswhen he was governor and had nothing to do with the poor showing of employment while he was there. (47th out of the 50 states.)

   Newt Gingrich is going to try to sweep under the rug the fact that he was sanctioned by the House of Representatives and fined $300,000 also, that when he was out of office he made $1.6 million dry humping the leg of Congress as a lobbyist for big business.

   I checked with some friends of mine fromTexasabout their Governor Rick Perry. The best they could say about him was to paraphrase the character, Captain Jack Aubrey in “Master and Commander”. “He was the lesser of two weevils”, was the consensus.

   Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania gave Romney a rough time in Iowa, however no one seems to remember he got crushed in his home state when he tried to run for a third term in the Senate. Why was that I wonder?

   Ron Paul gives one pause to think. A Libertarian to the core, he wants go back to the strict interpretation of the Constitution as defined by the Founding Fathers. He should know he was there when it was signed.

   That leaves us with Jon Huntsman ofUtah. All Have to say about him is, “Who?”

   Normally, I pretty much agree with the policies of our State representatives. However, moving us to the head of the primary line is doing us no favor. So now, we have to endure detailed inaccurate analysis by out-of-state journalists who will portray us as a bunch of backwoods, redneck, uneducated, racists. That causes me to award credence to the descriptor, ‘dam-Yankee’.

   So, it looks like the Republicans will nominate a member of the equine genus. It will be a dark horse or a jackass.© 2012, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

January 12, 2012 at 4:42 p01

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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