Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Lá Fhéile Pádraig Shona

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I thought we would explore the legends associated with the Patron Saint of Ireland, the well-known and loved Saint Padriag.

First off, let us cover the one about driving all the snakes out of Ireland. You might just as well say that he drove out all the elephants, or unicorns or jackalopes. Ireland had no snakes. The best they can come up with is a creepy creature called the ‘slow worm’. It is an oversized earthworm good for fish bait and little else. There are still plenty of them there.

The snake legend is loosely connected to the Adam and Eve Bible story. I still maintain that if Eve would have ate the snake instead of the apple we would all be in better shape. At any rate since then snakes have gotten a bad rep and I do not expect to see any kid’s books staring ‘Sidney the Singing Snake’.

Another legend concerns Judgment Day. According to this one Jesus will judge everyone, but the Irish. We Harps will be judge by Saint Patrick. I want to go on record that I want a change of venue. I would have a fighting chance with the Lamb of God. However, Patrick had a bit of temper and did not mind showing it. With Saint P on the bench I figure I am going to spend eternity shoveling coal.

Saint Patrick is credited with converting the inhabitants of the Emerald Isle to Christianity. Well, yeah, kind of I suppose. If you have ever met a more superstitious group of people I have never heard of them. We have banshees, leprechauns and even a prayer that goes “From ghoulies and ghosties and long leggety beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord deliver us”.

I am even called “Black Irish”. Not Shaquile O’Neal or Kobe Bryant black, but being dark haired and dark eyed and of short stature I am supposed to be descended from the original Irish who had mysterious and magical ways.

Not that tall, redheaded, blue-eyed folks like Conan O’Brien are not as Irish as Paddy’s pig. Nevertheless, you can bet there was a Viking or two in his woodpile.

So since there are only two more shopping days until Saint Patrick’s Day and you have not picked out my gift, not to worry. Just drop off the cash in small, non-sequential, unmarked bills at the newspaper office and we will have a dram of ‘Holy Water’ in honor of the Saint. That is if you bring the bottle.

Everyone is Irish on Saint Patrick’s Day. That is not to say you are authorized to do something stupid involving the drink. Go to the parades and the festivals and have a great time. However, if you are going to add alcohol to the mix (Remember that the Irish invented whiskey.) Please make sure you have a designated driver or if not get a taxi.

Saint Patrick died on March 17. There is no reason why you should.© 2012, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

March 15, 2012 at 4:42 p03

Posted in Americana, Humor

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