Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Political Freezer space

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Here in Harmony County we are closing in on Primary Day. This day is usually a good prediction of what is going to happen in the National Elections in November. The local politicos are lining up according to their Party affiliations but I have a few questions concerning the necessity of running on a party ticket for certain jobs.

The first is for the office of Sheriff. It seems to me that job qualifications are more important that Party affiliations. If the person elected Sheriff is a Republican does that me he will only arrest Democrats? Is the opposite true, that is Democrats busting Republicans exclusively?

Personally, it does not matter to me since I am an Independent. Whoever is packing the star is going to put me in the slammer probably first.

I am more concerned more with experience, qualifications, and ability to control the folks working under him. This brings to mind two incidents involving deputies who may have overreacted.

The first was when a deputy pulled over an octogenarian for speeding. When the old timer complained, he got a face full of pepper spray. The problem with these actions was that the alleged speeder was in the mall at the time and was in a power chair.

Word got out amongst the blue rinse set and the next morning the deputy woke up to find his bed soaked in prune juice and he was wearing a pair of Attends®. That shook him up considerably and he has since become more courteous towards seniors.

The other incident involving a deputy was when two nuns went to the aid of a man who was crawling in the gutter.

They ran across the street to assist to find out that the man was OK. He was just one of the Harmony County Weekly Blister’s editors who was crawling back to the office after drinking his lunch.

When the sister re-crossed the street, they found a deputy waiting for them. It seems that on their mission of mercy they had managed to jaywalk, a misdemeanor punishable by a small fine. When the nuns protested the overzealous deputy pulled out his Tazer and fired. Zap, Zap, Thud, Thud, Floppity, Floppity.

This time retribution was more severe. The offending deputy was found the next day wandering the streets in a semiconscious state writing, “I will not zap nuns” on an imaginary blackboard. He was covered with ruler shaped bruises and all his knuckles were broken.

His doctors say that he should recover physically, but will possibly react hysterically to penguins, pandas and Poor Clares.

Since when does the office of Coroner require a party affiliation? By the time the individual of the coroner’s ministration appears, politics is no longer an issue. Unless, of course, a Republican coroner follows the sheriff’s opposite party example. Then he had better have a very large freezer.

So, here is a recommendation. Vote for the folks who are most qualified for the job. Let you party choice be secondary. © 2012, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

March 29, 2012 at 4:42 p03

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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