Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

The boys (?) are back

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If you recall, my SGIC (Senior Grandchild In Charge) Mary Katherine, ‘Queenie’ thought I needed some feline companionship and presented me with two adopted/rescued/recycled littermates, which were eventually named Fast Eddie and Lazy Jake.

As part of the adoption procedures she had to come up with $65 each and agreed to have them spaded/neutered/get their bags unpacked and a bunch of other rules which if not followed to the letter the secret ‘cat police’ will break down your door and haul you off to unpack your bags with a hammer and without the benefit of anesthesia.

The day of the dethroning came and dutifully I hauled them off to the vets where the bloody deed was done. You can hardly imagine my surprise when I saw the office.

I had figured that it would be the usual small, hometown vet office. I had figured wrong. This place was an impressive new, three-story building all floors occupied by this company. There were three vans in the parking lot. Not your off the shelf types, but custom, high roofed, walk-in models that were advertised to provide vaccinations in parking lots on a regular schedule over a three county area.

I went into the reception area, one of three double door entrances, and was greeted by a team of four receptionists who explained in detail how the boys and I were to conduct ourselves. If I did not meet the posted scheduled I would be subject to fines varying from $10 to $50.

During the briefing, the term “vets” was used frequently clearly indicated there was a plurality of folks waving surgical instruments. The briefing had a familiar feeling since it was given much in the same technique used by Platoon Sergeants. No warm and fuzzys here.

The next day I came back to pick the lads at the proscribed hour and was briefed again as to what I was supposed to do to aid in the recovery. It was duly noted and off we went back to their home.

One thing about cats, they do not like changes in their lives. The food bowl must be in the exact same spot. The litter box cleaned daily and kept at the exact same level, etc.

They particularly do not like car rides. Where dogs love riding in cars and leap into the seat, cats are dragged into cars knowing that they are going to die. The boys were singing mournful songs all the way home.

When we got back, they came out of the carrier as if they were shot out of cannon and did a whirlwind inspection insuring themselves that their world was in order and everything in the proper place.

Suffice to say that the lads have not looked me in the eye nor said a simple ‘meow’ since they got back. These are two angry pussycats and I am taking extra care to insure that I do not find any surprises in my shoes, which is the feline way to express extreme displeasure. © 2012, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

June 28, 2012 at 4:42 p06

Posted in Americana, Humor

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