Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Kimchi demand up in England

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To say the very least the Olympic opening ceremonies were numbingly spectacular. Four and a half straight hours of enforced enthusiasm is way over my limit. One thing is for sure, the Queen knows how to make an entrance. Airborne! I guess we will have to change the answer to the old joke, “What falls out of the sky? To; Bird poop, paratroopers and the Queen of England”.

A couple of points: First, the All-American uniforms that were made in China were neither imaginative nor eye catching. I know a couple of seamstresses who have their own shop. They could have rounded up ever needle threader in the county and made the uniforms with a label that would have read, “Proudly made in South Carolina, U.S.A.”. Moreover, they probably would have brought it in under the Chinese cost of manufacture and transportation.

Second, a beret is worn in the following manner; the shield is directly over the left eye, for men the beret is pulled over to the right side, for woman over to the left. It is decidedly not worn like a bowling ball bag pulled down over the ears.

On to the reason for the exercise, sports. As far as I am concerned soccer, like golf, is a good way to catch up on your sleep, enough said. The complete opposite is gymnastics. When those kids retire, at age 18, they should be hired by NASA. They have figured out a way to defy gravity.

Another ho-hum sport is rowing. I watched it just for the novelty of the sport. I was surprised to see a Red Chinese boat in the preliminaries. They finished dead last. I guess it was an effort to save face because they did not stop at the finish line, but kept on going. They are looking for them yet.

I also watched Women’s Beach Volleyball; at least I think they were playing volleyball. I distinctly remember four gals in bikinis jumping up and down a lot. No matter, they could have been tossing anvils around, I am a big fan.

The swimming and diving competitions are always interesting. I suppose it is because all have us have gone swimming. I like the diving events. When I was a kid, I was always the first one off the high dive. However, first is not the same as best. When you hit the water and all the bystanders are looking on in a shocked grimace, the cars in the parking lot are wet and your belly is a glowing red you know you are going to loose points for technique.

At this writing, we are in second place on the medal count, but our best events are to come. I know that is jingoistic, but I am not buying the “Sport for the sake of sport” stuff either.

One thing I found odd; when the North Korean delegation arrived, it took five buses to get them to the Olympic Village. Going back, they took a cab.© 2012, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

August 3, 2012 at 4:42 p08

Posted in Humor, Sports

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