Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Flying furniture

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I was walking past Buckingham Palace the other day, ‘Buck House’ to those of us in the know. All of a sudden, I heard a terrible crash and a very fancy chair came flying through a third floor window.

Next I heard a high-pitched woman’s voice screeching some phrases normally used by Gunnery Sergeants when they are extremely upset, followed by the ominous command, “Off with his head! Make sure you chop off his @#$%’s first and use a dull axe”.

There was a brief period of heavy breathing; a gentle ‘pop’ and a cork from a gin bottle came through the broken glass. “I won’t need that again,” said the voice. Then there was some rapid gulps, a very unlady-like, long, drawn out burp the type of which normally rattle the windows at a fraternity kegger, a soft thud, and silence returned.

Apparently, Queen Elizabeth II had just gotten the word and accompanying photos of her grandson Prince Harry’s, recent adventures in Las Vegas. He is the number three in line for the chair that was lying in the parking lot.

The saying, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” is not necessarily true. You recall that the ‘Party Prince’ was caught with his pants down on a recent trip to Sin City. Not an unusual occurrence there, however to be caught on video tape and then have the tape appear on the worldwide web might be considered stupid.

However if you are the Prince of Wales and you do it, we are well beyond the realm of commoner stupid and are royally STUPID.

I am not ‘computer literate’ if I need a translation I got grandkids. I had a vague idea what the tern “viral” meant. I thought it meant a video goes on the internet and immediately becomes popular and it is flashed around the world. This tape was the definition of “viral”.

Before Harry had his argyle socks back on, the video was getting hits from pole to pole. Even nerds in Red China were piling on. The photos from the Martian rover ‘Curiosity’ ran a distant second.

You can bet that when it showed up in Buckingham, HRM’s staff weenies said, under their breaths, a very un-British, “Oh s$#@”. Then there was a quick review of who had the lowest rank and that poor individual was ordered to give the Queen the news.

Harry was sent to his room for a week or so then was finally allowed to appear in public. The British public was on him like scales on a kipper. He could have been announcing the cure for cancer, but all he got was questions and comments about his expose.

His Royal Highness went from HRH to GIB. A GIB stands for Guy In Back used by combat aviators to describe the weapons officer/copilot who sits behind the pilot in attack aircraft.

Harry is now pulling a four-month tour in an Apache helicopter in Afghanistan. It does not pay to go “viral” on the Queen. © 2012, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

September 13, 2012 at 4:42 p09

Posted in Americana, Humor

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