Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

All the news that fits, we print

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   We here at the “Harmony County Weekly Blister” pride ourselves on bringing the real news to our readers. Contrary to the mass media insistence upon focusing on one or two stories and fluff pieces, we stick to the hard news.

   “Cherry pit spitting dynasties fall and a new seed is sown

   “A new name has emerged in cherry pit spitting: Ron Matt, 46, of ChicagoIl. Matt spat a solid 69 feet to win the coveted title of International Cherry Pit-Spitting Champion at Tree-Mendus Fruit Farm in Eau Claire, Mich. The last time an international champion hailed from outside the Krause and Lessard family dynasties was 1992 when Bob Ickes of Dowagiac, Mich., spat his way to pit spitting fame.

   “Rick ‘Pellet Gun’ Krause, 58 of Tuba City, Az. and 15-time International champion, managed a close 2nd at 61’ 2” and son, ‘The Amazing’ Matt Krause, 29 of Dimondale, Mich., took third at 60’ 11”. World record holder Brian ‘Young Gun’ Krause, 34 of Dimondale, Mich., took fifth at 52’ 10” behind Randy Luthringer, 44, of Niles, Mich. who blew one out to 53’ 6”.”

   Some events have an international flavor. The winners of the following event were from Finland, which is far away and closed from October 15 to April 15 when all the Finnegans go to Spain to get away from the snow.

   “Newry, Maine. Not everybody trained all year for the North American Wife Carrying Championships the way Dave Castro and his wife Lacey did, but most of the 50 couples that participated Saturday at the annual event still had a good time.

   “World Wife Carrying Champions Taisto Miettinen and Kristina Haapanen, from Helsinki, Finland, The Finnish duo took first place with a time of 52.58 seconds.

   “Between 1,500 and 2,000 people gathered at SundayRiver Saturday to watch competitors like Brendan Sweeney and Haleigh Brown, from Central Falls, R.I., vie for the title of North American Wife Carrying Champion.”

   In the military carrying a heavy load any distance is called, ”humpin” as in carrying your rucksack or loading main gun ammo into a tank i.e.”humpin’ joes”. Feel free to insert double entendre joke here.

   I always thought the Japanese were all about fish, but…

   “Renowned Japanese masticator Takeru Kobayashi polished off a record 337 chicken wings in 30 minutes to be crowned champion of Wing Bowl 2012.

   “Kobayashi swallowed the competition in Philadelphia’s annual wing-eating contest, beating out reigning three-time champion Jonathan “Super” Squibb by 66 wings.

  “I could probably eat another 100 wings or so,” Kobayashi said afterward, “Not really fast, I’d have to take my time. But if you brought me 100 more, I could eat them.”

   “The 128-pound Kobayashi, a six-time Nathan’s hot dog eating champion, was competing in his first Wing Bowl. The 33-year-old attended the event in 2011 as a spectator, taking time to wow the crowd by eating an entire cheesesteak sandwich in 24 seconds.”

   How is that for news? You would never see it on MSNBC. Where’s my Pulitzer? © 2012, Jim McGowan




Written by harmonycounty

November 29, 2012 at 4:42 p11

Posted in Americana, Humor, Sports

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