Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Kilkenny Cats (Contd.)

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    I thought I would bring you up to date on my roomies, Fast Eddie and Lazy Jake, the Kilkenny Cats. The boys got here through the generosity of my Senior Granddaughter In Charge (SGIC) Mary Kate who thought I needed some companionship so she adopted them for my benefit.

   The brothers are nearly a year old and in cat years that makes them teenagers. Like all teenagers they can be a trial. Such so that if the Pope owned them I would not be a bit surprised to see them flying out one of the windows of the Vatican tail first, followed by a string of curses in German. There are some problems.

   Fast Eddie has acquired a drinking problem. As you may have surmised I partake in an occasional adult beverage. In the evening I usually enjoy the odd beer or six. Since I do not like to drink from the can or bottle I use a mug. When left unattended to answer nature’s call is when Fast Eddie makes his move.

   When I get back to the living room I often find Eddie whiskers deep in mug lapping for all he is worth. Since I do not like to share, let him get his own, I shoo him off. Not a big deal so far, but as he wobbles away he is inclined to make a very uncat like burp. He then collapses, rolls on his back and trying to focus on the slowly revolving ceiling fan lets out the cat equivalent of ‘whoa’.

   After an hour or so he stumbles off to the liter box and I swear I hear him sigh with relief. In the morning he is not his usual spry self and he is the first cat I have ever seen with bloodshot eyes. I swear, if he could he would have a ‘GI’s breakfast’ of a cigarette and a cup of black coffee.

   Lazy Jake lives up to his name. But instead of finding one favorite spot he follows me around and flops down in a spot that is sure to interfere with whatever I’m doing. This includes the computer keyboard and suffice it to say he is a lousy speller.

   When I work I usually listen to classical music. When I listen to opera is the only time Jake takes notice. He usually sits up and pays strict attention to the music. During certain songs most notably “Nessum Dorma” in “Turandot’ Jake will run to one of the speakers, turn around and face the room, sit, and howl at the top of his lungs until the song is over. He does this only for this song and he does it every time.

   Don’t get me wrong. The Boys are affection wee beasties and are a pleasure to have around. They just have uncat like habits such as breaking wind and beating me in the face with their tails, unfortunately at the same time.

   I’ll keep you posted just as soon as a get some more air freshener. © 2013, Jim McGowan




Written by harmonycounty

January 17, 2013 at 4:42 p01

Posted in Americana, Humor

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