Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Broken bunny busted

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As the poet laureate of Harmony County, Bobby ‘Six-Pack’ Blucschnauzer, once said, “The best laid plans of mice and men can go really badly.” Ok so he is no Maya Angelou, but you have to remember it is Harmony County and at least his isn’t doing the, “There once was a man from Nantucket…” stuff anymore.
The local goody two-shoes decided that they would do something for the local kids. They decided that they would have an Easter Egg Hunt. Not a bad idea so far. However, here comes the, “really badly” part. The decided to have it at the Harmony County Juvenile Detention Center. The Center’s motto, “Where today’s juvies become tomorrow’s felons” should have tipped them off. Needless to say the Sheriff went ballistic.
The group spent the night before dyeing a gross of organic eggs from free range chickens, wild critters love free range chickens, and singing endless chorus’ of “Cum Bye Ya”. The next morning they all piled into their Prius’ and off to the Center they went, non-polluting all the way, except for the part where the electricity they used to power their cars was produced by a coal powered generator.
At first they group, that included a guy dressed up in an Easter Bunny suit, insisted that they hide the eggs in the sleeping areas. But in the process they managed to discover four shives, six contraband cell phones and enough weed to keep the ACLU high for a year, it was decided that the event be moved outdoors. When the sheriff heard this idea his original ballistic response was a mere ‘hissy-fit’ by comparison.
The idea of the inmates being allowed to run around virtually unescorted was considered to be an invitation to disaster. The Sheriff was adamant in his refusal however, the dg’s staged a sit-in, jointly held their breaths, refused to eat their veggies, and called the national media. The Sheriff caved.
The eggs were placed on the field that surrounds the institution, yet still within the wire. The goodies introduced themselves to the youths, with the usual huggy-huggy act, and lined them up against the hall wall. The Sheriff had every deputy surround the place and just shock his head.
At the signal the hunt began. As the Sheriff predicated the eggs went untouched and around 165 kids hit the fence at full speed. When the smoke cleared there were no ‘juvies’ to be seen, the deputies were pinned under the wire and all of the Prius’ and three of the patrol cars were gone.
A damage assessment was held. It turns out there was neither a watch nor a wallet among the huggers. Three deputies needed medical attention and the guy who was dressed up like the Easter Bunny was found in the dumpster, a mugging victim.
So the ‘goodies’ were taught a valuable lesson in human nature. Whether they learned it remains to be seen.
However, since the eggs went still uncracked the County now holds the record for “The World’s Largest Egg Salad Sandwich.” © 2013, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

April 4, 2013 at 4:42 p04

Posted in Americana, Humor

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