Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Dancing with this star

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Finally, here is a cause that I can support. OLYMPIA, Wash. (AP) – “Dozens of people protesting a decades-old state tax on dance venues swayed, kicked and twirled to the rhythm of music Monday in support of a repeal being considered by lawmakers in Washington state.
“Protesters danced the salsa, the blues, flamenco and tango, and at one point, a conga line snaked up and down the steps of the state Capitol. Koe Suzuteki performed the Charleston amid the groups who had gathered to dance in protest.
“The dancers were targeting a law from the 1960s that levies a tax on businesses that offer attendees the “opportunity” to dance. Cover charges and tickets for movies, plays and concerts are exempt from that tax.”
As you know I am famous for my terpsichoredian abilities. When it comes to tripping the light fantastic I must say that I have a unique style. That style has been described as a combination of; an unbeliever running down a fire pit, somebody getting tazered, and a bad LSD reaction. So guys like Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly and Spock (Oh yeah, Vulcans are known throughout the galaxy for their rug cutting skills) have nothing on me.
Reactions to my abilities vary. I was once at a wedding where the mood struck me. After a quick twirl around the floor with the mother of the bride to the tune of, “Who Put the Overalls in Mrs. Mruphy’s Chowder?” My performance was greeted with a stunned silence.
Finally there were some whispered responses from the other guests. “Is that guy OK? Is he having some kind of seizure?” and “Somebody check his meds,” were among the remarks made. The ‘mother of the…was visibly impressed as she went back to her seat where she pounded three double bourbons in rapid succession. I took that for high praise since she is the Chairperson for the local Boozers are Losers Committee.
Not only has my dancing skills been a source of wonder, but it has also been applied for medical purposes. There is currently a tape on YouTube of me doing my thing that has become a major aid in the cure and prevention of terminal constipation.
However, the tape has been used for less than beneficial purposes. It was surreptitiously placed in the projector at the recent Republican National Convention. It was only played once, but we all know what happened after that.
I have a proposal for our West Coast friends. What they need to do is send me a first-class ticket to Olympia and have me put on a dance recital, sort of a demonstration at their demonstration. I figure a five minute program should be enough.
I can guarantee that not only will the Washington State lawmakers repeal the tax, but they will give back all the money collected, plus interest and throw me a ‘vig’ to insure it never happens again.
I will also need a case of cold ones to get me in the proper spirit. © 2013, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

April 11, 2013 at 4:42 p04

Posted in Americana, Humor

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