Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Associated Press pizza

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Amongst all of the wretched things that are going on in the Administration, something finally got the attention of the media. It seems that the Associated Press had its phones tapped by the Department of Justice.
This illegal act was done without the benefit of a search warrant. You would guess that the DOJ would know that it is an illegal act, but apparently not.
However, this act aroused some suspicions to us staffers at ‘The Harmony County Weekly Blister.’ Sure enough, when the editor checked the lines he found out we too had been tapped by the nefarious Department of Justice. The tip-off was the sounds of faint giggling in the background of the conversations.
I immediately contacted our legal councilor, ‘Bernie the Attorney’ (He can be reached at Bubba’s Flippin’, Sippin’, and Dippin’ Redneck Bar. If he is not there they will take a message.)
Bernie was so enraged at the news that he nearly spilled his Belfast Bomber. He immediately leapt into action. Ok, that might be an exaggeration, but he did fall off his bar stool. I stood him up, dusted him off and he was out the door, thereby sticking me with his bar tab.
When Bernie finally staggered out of the court house he had in his hand complete transcripts of what had been recorded. To be honest, it was anti-climatic.
The stuff from the sports department was mostly conversations with the local pizza place that delivers. There seems to be preference for, “The Works, hold the anchovies.” However, somebody over there likes ‘Hawaiian Pizza’ whatever that is. We are looking into that.
There are also long conversations with coaches throughout the county. They are in detail discussing lineups, player injuries, new plays that may be used, pitching rotations, ad infinitum. Not surprisingly these calls are immediately followed by short and to the point calls to bookies.
The mob on the news desk also has communications that are to be expected. Talks with local politicos, business types, law enforcement, the occasional criminal, and all the usual people found on the front page or buried deep on wherever “continued on page __” ends up.
“Thanks for your time” is the usual ending to this talks, But occasionally you hear a low groaned, “Oh, geeeez” followed by the popping of a cork and ‘glug, glug, glug”. The truth may have been stretched, again.
Over in the advertising department conversations are considerably shorter. They start off with, “Hi, I’m from Harmony County Weekly Blister advertising. I would like to interest you in…” That’s about as far as it gets because there is an audible ‘click’ from the other end of the line.
So now the ‘Blister’ and the Associated Press have something in common. Big Brother has been listening in on our highly confidential conversations. But based upon what I know of journalistic conversations, I feel sorry for the DOJ spies.
However, I am curious about one thing. What kind of pizza do the AP hacks like? © 2013, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

May 23, 2013 at 4:42 p05

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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