Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

“I’ll be back”, sooner or later

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With all of the fuss being made about the government shutdown, real or imagined, there are some important areas of government activities that apparently of no interest to the mass media.
We here at the “Harmony County Weekly Blister” in order to keep our readers well informed are bringing you the whole story.
The layoff of security personnel in Area 51 has caused huge problems. It seems that the aliens that we have been told never existed have managed to escape and are creating all sorts of havoc in the Roswell, N.M. area.
It all started at the local Mickey D’s. It was a normal night when a small flying saucer pulled up to the order menu and a voice came over requesting, “Two borfat specials with extra large fumbos”.
Since commo back and forth between the order screen and the servers is spotty at best the servers bagged up the first things they could lay their hands on. This is their normal practice anyway.
However, when the saucer pulled up to the window the little green men opened the bag and took out the food. They sniffed the chow, tossed it out and proceeded to eat the wrappers, which, as it turns out, has a higher nutritional value.
When another group of greeners walked into a saloon things were not as dramatic. The regulars to one look, universally figured that they were just another bunch of tourists and ignored them.
In a nearby National Forest once the word got around all the grizzlies walked out. Consequently, there wasn’t a Dempsey Dumpster that went untouched and garbage cans were strewn all over the place. Needless to say, Yogi and Boo Boo are going to have to answer up to Ranger Smith when all this is over.
The shutdown also affected the access to the border. With the Border Patrol being off duty the once porous border just simply disappeared. This had an unexpected result. Thousands of illegal’s streamed across, however they were going south. The entire line was littered with discarded voting certificates and Obama buttons. Evidently they know more then the rest of us and “Yes They Could”.
Things were bad a lot closer to home in Washington, D.C. Thousands of people were laid off by the Department Of Justice. All over the capitol there were people in business attire sitting in the gutter proffering their latte cups with signs around their necks saying, “Will litigate for food”. Heartbreaking, I was crushed.
Oddly, the Healthcare website went down. I guess it got sick and the government tried to cure it. Obamacare in action.
But one thing must be remembered. All the federal employees that were laid off as a result of the shutdown will be drawing full pay and allowances for their time out once they get back on the job.
So let them cry all the crocodile tears that they want. They are getting a paid vacation with the days not chargeable against their accrued vacation time.
Throw me in that briar patch. © 2013, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

October 10, 2013 at 4:42 p10

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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