Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

“A cuppa, cuppa, cuppa, cuppa jaaava”

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I am what many consider to be a ‘coffee’ nut. I go out of my way for a good cup of ‘Joe’. I buy imported green coffee beans from an importer on the West Coast. Currently I am going through a Guatemala phase.
I roast my beans myself. (Come on; don’t tell me you were not expecting that line.) Allow them to breathe for 24-hours. Then grind them immediately before I brew the coffee with purified water in a special brewing device that would be insulting if you called it a pot.
In this case the ‘juice is worth the squeeze’. This is good coffee, exactly the way I like it. There in lies the problem. Even I do not drink the stuff past noon. I made that mistake once only to find myself shingling the roof at 3 AM.
There is an upside to brewing a cup strong enough to float a horseshoe. When workmen come over I offer them a cup. I once had a couple of electricians come over for a major job of rewiring the entire house. They estimated that it would require five days. A cup each and about six hours later the job was done and the pair were last seen going down Main Street, wiring as went, heading for the transformer about 12 miles away.
There is also a downside. When folks drop in and they have a cup you can bet they are not going away any time soon. I have had people sticking around long enough to charge rent. That is not bad, but when they are up for nights on end singing dirty Romanian drinking songs at the top of their lungs I am not getting any sleep.
In Latin America coffee is the center piece of the greeting ritual. I once stopped into an office of a friend of mine in Honduras with some rather urgent news. Before I could get it out the fellow sat me down and gave me a cup of expresso. We sat in his office and chatted about the weather, a local soccer team and other chit chat. Finally, a half-an-hour later, he asked why I had stopped by. I blurted out that I saw two guys trying to jack the tires on his car. Things started moving fast then.
I grade coffee in six levels. They are; mine, excellent, good, bad, god-awful, and G.I. However, there is a rumor that in part our success’ at D-Day and across Europe is that the soldiers were told the Germans had decent coffee.
There is one variation of coffee that I thoroughly enjoy. That is Irish Coffee and, unfortunately, most restaurants screw it up. Here is the proper way to make it. Take a tall cup, put in sugar to taste, fill with Irish whiskey about a third to half way up, add strong, black coffee to about a half-inch of the rim. Over an inverted spoon pour thickened, not whipped, cream. Do not stir.
Slainte! © 2013, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

October 24, 2013 at 4:42 p10

Posted in Americana, Humor

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