Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Carolina Skull Crusher

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The powers that be in Harmony County have joined the trend started by Washington State and Colorado. The Harmony County Commission has legalized marijuana for recreational use.
This elicited quite a response from a large portion of the population. It could be best summarized by the statement made by Jackie ‘The Joint’ Johnson. Blowing away an aromatic cloud of smoke he said, “Yo dude, you mean it wasn’t legal before? Wanna hit?”
Harmony County has always been a rural area. Agriculture has occupied about 70% of the total area. With the legalization of dope that all has changed. Acres devoted to corn, cotton and soy beans have been torn out and replaced with the much favored Carolina Skull Crusher. Even Grannie Fannie Fenstermacher’s planters on her front porch have weed growing where her championship gardenias used to grow.
Some may say that the changes in the law have been for the benefit of the County. The residents of the Harmony County Old Folks Home, sometimes called ‘The Cranky Capital of Harmony County’ have certainly mellowed out. Some clever individual figured out a way to charge Medicare for bongs and weed. There are some happy pappies up there now.
Noted for his pulpit pounding sermons, The Reverend Graball of the First church of Donate Now seen daily on HC-TV every day from 8 AM till noon, twice on Sunday has turned things down more than a few notches. One of the faithful has changed the contents of the incense burners seen in the background of his set. There is one small hitch. It seems that the cameras are slightly out of focus.
Surprisingly the Sheriff’s Department is not objecting to the dope laws as might be expected. “There has been a dramatic drop off in crime,” said the Sheriff. By way of example he told of a bank robber who stuck up the Harmony County Banking Company. The robber staggered in and walked up to the teller, bouncing of the customer desk on the way. He seemed very confused and while looking for the written demand he put his gun on the teller’s counter and patted his pockets. The teller picked up the gun and said, “Get out of here, Stoner and smile for the cameras.”
The would-be robber fled, again bumping into the desk, and got into a waiting getaway car obviously driven by another dope smoker. The police arrived and a car chase ensued. Speeds reached as high as two-miles-per- hour. This was a first in the history of car chases since the cops walked next to the car during the pursuit.
When I walked into the office of the Harmony County Weekly Blister it was like walking into a room that was filled with burning tires. For the first time in my life my editor called me by my first name. His usual term of address is a reference to my intelligence and to me not being able to name my father.
Maybe this stuff isn’t too bad after all.© 2014, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

January 30, 2014 at 4:42 p01

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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