Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

The Big ‘G’ cometh

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I have always considered myself something of a Renaissance Man. You know, a guy with many, varied interests. I sure that you would be surprised to learn that quite a few of them are not in violation local, state or federal laws. That is not to say I do not have any addictions.
Putting aside my alleged addiction to personality altering substances, one of my biggest addictions is to a very large lizard. I am nuts about ‘Godzilla’ movies.
Ever since the first one came out in the early ‘50s I have not missed one. That is I have seen Tokyo stomped flat over 30 times. Back in the day I have cut school, missed trips to the beach, skipped bail and disappeared into theaters for two glorious hours to watch the ‘G’ create havoc, parking lots and very large smoking holes all around Mount Fuji and its environs.
I suppose there is an upside to all the destruction. I can imagine that that anybody in the building trades in Japan make out like bandits. In comes Godzilla; stomp, stomp, crush, crush (What has he got against railroads? He is always busting up the 6:15 for Yokohama.) Next come the contractors; hammer, hammer, saw, saw. “Here is the bill” and off they go to Hawaii to wait for Mr. Scales to start the cycle again. On the other hand, the price of property insurance has got to be out of sight.
The casting is pretty standard. First you got your ‘Professor’ he is an older man in a lab coat who is always finding large, radioactive eggs. Next there is his pretty, young girl assistant. She is a dim bulb, but likes short skirts and can really scream. Then there is the handsome young reporter who has got a thing for the lab assistant. Let us not forget the token ‘round eye’. He is always on a committee of some kind and advises the use of nukes. (In one of the first movies this role was played by Raymond Burr.)
Occasionally you will see a baby ‘G’. He is a cuddly little thing and the pet of the lab assistant. He is around six-foot-tall and only stomps on shrubbery, but every now and again eats a first-grader. At the end of the movie he always links up with daddy and they walk into a setting sun.
‘G’s enemies are varied. Forget about tanks, artillery, jets etc. They only tick him off and they head for the tall and uncut when they find out how ineffective they are. The real bad actors are other monsters that can fly or live in the sea, or are robots or come from outer space or the future. Together they take turns destroying Japan by the square mile, but in the end Godzilla wins.
The best movies are the older ones. The special effects are great. But now Hollywood is making them and it is not the same.
The newest is due out this year. I’ll buy the popcorn.©2014, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

March 13, 2014 at 4:42 p03

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