Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

I have two beerkats

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Yippee! It is August! We all know what that means. Is it the month when we celebrate Augustus Caesar? No. Is it the month when we have our sweat glands all working at full tilt? No. Is it he month that we get the air conditioning bill and faint dead away because it is higher than the GNP of Costa Rica? No.
Silly you, it is the month when SEC Football starts. War Eagle! I have been sitting here every Saturday since last January blindly staring at the TV screen that has nothing on except for the twelfth or fourteenth rerun of “NCIS” mumbling along with the actors the script that I had memorized by the sixth replay. But now eight months of famine are over and my beloved ‘Tigers’ are back on the field.
By now, you probably gathered I am a huge Auburn fan. As a matter of fact I am THE Auburn fan. I even have an insulting ‘Bama’ tattoo. Just let your imagination run free and you can easily guess what part of my anatomy is so decorated.
Looking at this year’s schedule it appears that the days of the easy ‘tune-up’ first game of the season are over. They are starting off against Arkansas. The ‘Razorbacks’ are nobody to treat lightly and if they can bring down last year’s SEC champs on Day One they will be a force with which to reckon.
However, there is one cloud on my football horizon. Even though one of Auburn’s team nicknames is the ‘Tigers’ (They are also known as the ‘Plainsmen’ and the ‘War Eagles’. We have a bit of an identity crisis going on.) My roomies, The Kilkenny Brothers, Fast Eddie and Lazy Jake, are Kentucky fans. I suppose it is because the Kentucky team is known as the, ‘Wildcats’.
All during basketball season The Boys take over the TV. They plant themselves in front of the boob tube with the clicker between them. It is scratch city if you try to touch it. I have to bring them their kibbles and drinks. Fast Eddie is a beer guy while Lazy Jake prefers wine. They have their little UK t-shirts, caps, and pom-poms. They flat get with it. (Have you ever heard a cat cheer? Sounds very odd, you would not believe what it sounds like when they see a questionable call.)
But come August 30 the tables are turned. Fast Eddie brings me the popcorn and Lazy Jake brings me the beer. If it was the other way around Fast Eddie soon would be bringing me half-beers. So we are off and running. Maybe my ‘Tigers’ we will be National Champs again. Keep your fingers crossed.
Oh by the way, August is also the month when you find thousands of joyful parents doing their ‘Happy Dance’ in the parking lots of liquor stores. School starts in August. Unfortunately, it is also when you find the kid’s teachers doing some, “Slow walking and sad singing” back into their classrooms. © 2014, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

August 12, 2014 at 4:42 p08

Posted in Humor

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