Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Is it raining?

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Well, I thought we would all catch a break with the primaries being over a few weeks ago. ‘Dream on, Macbeth’ it is not going to happen. Just last Sunday “The State” newspaper ran a front page story that jumped to nearly a full page about the latest finger pointing and name calling among the candidates.
I was hoping we would be off the hook until mid-September maybe even October, but oh no, according to the newspaper the evil that is politics is buzzing right along. If you believe half of the insults and accusations being cast about, all of these people should be doing hard time in the joint for life with no chance for a parole.
It is not just an incumbent against a newcomer or a Republican versus Democrat thing, but the American Party and the United Citizens Party, whoever they might be, are in the fray. Fortunately, we in Harmony County are not faced with this problem. We know going in that our politicos are crooks.
It has never been a question of “Will they steal?” but “How much will they steal?” Even we have limits. Say the County Treasurer dips his or her mitts into the county cookie jar. A few grand here. A few grand there is no big deal. But when they leave their well-drained position, to retire to some private tropical island, at least they should leave the office furniture behind.
The Agriculture Commissioner has to be a bit more imaginative to make his booty. This is where the weekly Farmers Market comes into play. There is a stall where some personality altering herbs are for sale. Take a wild guess as to who owns that operation. It just so happens that the head Aggy has 40 acres of wacky-backy out behind his place. Living high on the hog has an entirely different meaning for Farmer Brown.
If you want to go for the big bucks no need to look any further then the bid process. There is an old joke about the Harmony County Commissioner of Roads and Highways opening bids on a repaving job. The first bid was submitted by an Auburn grad and was for $100,000. The second bid was from a Georgia Tech grad and was for $200,000. The Commissioner scratched his chin and went ”Hmmmmm”. The third bid was from a Clemson grad and was for $300,000. This shocked the Commissioner and he called the third bidder in and demanded to know why his bid was so high. The Tiger replied, “Get with it Commissioner, $100,000 for you, $100,000 for me and we give the job to the Auburn guy.”
On the serious side of this story there is one thing that ticks me off. As the nuns taught us, “In an urination contest, everybody gets wet.” (You know the word I would normally use.) So instead of discussing issues and educating the voters all were going to hear is whining.
Unfortunately, we are going to get wet too. © 2014, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

August 12, 2014 at 4:42 p08

Posted in Humor

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