Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

2014, a year to forget

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Things around here were certainly memorable this year. However, most folks would like to forget the incidents under the provisions of the “plausible deniability’ laws. “I don’t know nuttin’”.
The kickoff was with a group of oddly dressed people with funny hats who came by to loudly demonstrate in favor of replacing local codes with Sharia Law. Things did not work out the way they wanted. None of the locals paid the slightest attention. On the odd chance anyone did the sheriff sent along a reserve deputy to keep an eye on things. This RD makes ‘Barney Fife’ look like ‘Dirty Harry.’ The sheriff summed it up. “The Harmony Countydiots don’t obey the current laws. They will just as easily not obey Sharia ones.”
Obamacare and the local medics took a hit from the Ebola epidemic. Once the word got around about the symptoms of Ebola there was a ‘Standing Room Only’ sign up in the Emergency Room. However, after some unscientific analysis it was not an influx of disease from Africa. It seems that the symptoms only displayed themselves on Saturday morning. Turns out it was not Ebola fever, but Irish Flu. Obamacare does not cover that disease.
Mid-term elections had folks in a high state of “ho-hum”. The turnout was lighter than usual. Only 4,973 votes were cast from a list of 3,257 registered voters. It seems that the increase in cremations has cut back on the annual tombstone count. They just can’t stuff them like they used to.
The drop in gasoline prices came and went without much notice. You have to remember there is not a lot of drivers in the county, DUI laws being what they are. Those that do have a great facility with the long syphon tube affectionately known as an ‘Oklahoma Credit Card.’ Out-of-state and out-of-county drivers are amazed when they stop at a red light with a full tank and have the needle pegged on empty before it turns green. The only thing they recall is there was an odd slurping sound during the wait.
The response to the movie, “The Incident” by the Korean dictator, Kim Jung Un caused more than a few raised eyebrows. First off Sony’s decision to pull it was very contrary to the consensus hereabouts which could be described as, “Up yours Kim”. After considerable abuse Sony finally changed their position and released the film. Our “Weekly Blister” film critic came back scratching his head. He said the flic was less than memorable and wondered what the flap was all about.
Finally, the opening of new US and Cuba relations will have a definite economic impact in Harmony County. Now that Cuban rum and cigars will be coming into the country legally a major home industry will be taking a hit. The person who will suffer the most is Grannie Fannie Fenstermacher who has been running a cigar rolling shop and still at the old folks home since Castro’s advent.
Well, we will have to see what 2015 brings. © 2015, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

January 1, 2015 at 4:42 p01

Posted in Americana, Humor

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