Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Because it tastes good

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It does not take a degree as a dietician to figure out that I am, to put it in a technical term, a ‘chow hound’. One glance and you can plainly see that I am one of those people who has to buy two sets of flatware a year because I wear them out. I also have to routinely replace the hinge on the fridge.
Be that as It may, there is one important habit that I have acquired. I do not eat junk food. Now, I did not say healthy food, I repeat ‘junk food’. I cannot remember when the last time I was in a fast food joint. Probably, it was when I was out with the grandkids who had not eaten in three hours, ergo they were “starving to death” and just to shut them up I pulled over to Mickey D’s or some such place.
Remember, this is the crew that would eat the south end of a north bound skunk at the drop of a ketchup bottle. A common reprimand to them at supper time is, “Don’t get any on the walls.” Napkins for them is a waste of money. Why bother when you have two good sleeves. Coyotes have better manners.
One thing you have to know is I love to cook. As one of the grands said to me, “You’re a good cooker, Jeeps.” The reason why I am a good spoon is my mother, God love her, was a terrible cook. One of her specialties was boiled turkey. Think about a whole turkey bobbing around in a big pot of boiling water. Enough said.
But, to get back to the difference what I eat and healthy food. Take one of my favorites, fried chicken. I make the world’s best fried chicken. Though good enough to make you want to slap your mama there is nothing healthy about it. I use old school ingredients and fat fry it. Colonel Kentucky eat your heart out.
Obviously, I am neither a vegtableterian, much less a vegan. (Weren’t Vegans bad guys on the old “Star Trek” TV show?) I do not understand why folks eat that way, however, whatever floats your boat. So diving in to a big bowl of raw veggies three times a day has no appeal. Cows may like it, but not me.
I am an omnivore. Ham, grits and red eyed gravy is right up my street. I like the occasional salad, but with blue cheese dressing and croutons. I like to start my day with biscuits and sausage gravy, and a couple of fried eggs.
There is a good thing about making your grub from scratch. Just read the label on canned and packaged food. In nearly all of that stuff there are ingredients that I have never heard off much less pronounce. I just like my collard greens with one ingredient, collard greens.
Hum, I feeling a little hungry. I think I’ll fix myself a bacon cheeseburger with fried onions. © 2015, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

January 8, 2015 at 4:42 p01

Posted in Americana, Humor

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