Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

All they need is a job

with one comment

There has been an ocean of ink being used about the best way to stop the terrorist threat is to find the bloody cowards a job. This idea was expressed by a White House weenie which makes you wonder what these people are smoking. If you give this concept some thought some holes are easily blown through the concept.
First off there is the educational portion of the career field. What does someone have to do in order to be accepted in ‘Terrorist Tech’? (Team name; “The Baghdad Boomers”, the school band has a spectacular ending to the fight song, however they need to train and equip a whole new band after one performance.)
So what does the application look like? I am sure it has the usual; name, address, phone number stuff, but what about things like the school transcript? Is there a requirement for stuff like ‘Explosives 101- 103, Incendiary Devices 201-203, or The Practical IED’? How about recommendations from the faculty? This has got to be hard to get particularly when the instructor’s last words were, “I am only going to show you this once.”
We will assume that Achmed makes through graduation, albeit missing some fingers and a severe ringing in the ears and goes on to ‘TT’. He studies hard and since booze is forbidden he falls back on the permitted hashish and drifts through school wondering why he keeps on seeing pink dragons in the student lounge. Graduation Day arrives and despite the fact that the bleachers go up in smoke when the Tech President says, “Take your seats” he gets his diploma which is mysteriously ticking.
Now he has to prepare his resume. Like all newbies he really has a tough time coming up with job experience. The best he can claim is that he blew up a fast food restaurant when he was working there. The truth is he accidently started a small grease fire when he was frying bacon and went into a full blown religious panic. Needless to say, he got fired.
So like everyone else he made the rounds of the job fairs. You would be shocked to know how few companies require workers who have training or experience in blowing up things, beheading and beating wives one through four. (We will not go into the whole goat and sheep thing.) Eventually he gets a job interview.
Not surprisingly the only place that will grant him an interview is the Democratic National Committee. So after singing all of the chorus’ from “Cum By Yah” he takes a seat and the interview begins. Even the interviewer is a bit shaken up talking to a guy who is dressed head to toe in black, wearing a mask with a headband written in Arabic, carrying a sword, and has what suspiciously looks like wired button device in his hand. But he does land a job as a janitor.
However, if you ever go to DNC Hqs. and need to use the facilities. Check for trip wires.© 2015, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

February 27, 2015 at 4:42 p02

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

One Response

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  1. Business is booming


    February 27, 2015 at 4:42 p02

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