Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

The Hill-Dog Doll

with 2 comments

As you have read here before us journalists are not the highest paid yo-hos around. A perfect example is that no one has ever seen a member of the Fourth Estate pick up a bar tab, ever. However, I have just figured out how I am going to make my fortune! Coming soon to a sleazy saloon near you is the “Talking Hillary Bobble Head Doll”! (Batteries not included, unless you are on welfare or an illegal alien, then the government will buy them for you.)
Of course you have to put in the batteries. This is done by shoving them up her…. Inserting them in the slots indicated, negative end first. Then flip the ‘lie/off’ switch to ‘lie’, slap it in the face, and you are ready to go.
The doll has quite the repertoire. “Hi, my name is Hillary Rodman Clinton. I was named after Sir Edmond Hillary who was the first to climb Mount Everest.” Perhaps, but Sir Edmund was dragged up the world’s tallest rock pile by his Sherpas six years after she was born. Could be that her parents a bit slow in coming to a decision, after all they were Democrats. Slap.
“I understand you because I am just like you.” That might be a stretch, unless you went to private schools, are a Yale graduate, have a law degree, have a personal chef, fly in an personal jet, and make about $200K for every speaking engagement. Somehow I don’t think the lawn guy nor the cop on patrol have those kind of assets. I know I don’t. I’m lucky to take the bus and get a rubber chicken supper at a fast food joint. Slap.
“I was under heavy sniper fire when I landed in Bosnia.” There are a couple of dozens of tapes about that trip. They all show her casually walking from the plane, smiling and doing the usual politician ‘press the meat’ handshakes all around. Seems to me the correct responses to the sniper fire is to hit the dirt and low crawl to cover. The lack of response of the Secret Service agents means either they didn’t care or they knew Bosnia snipers are less than skilled marksmen. Slap.
“My family was dead broke after we left the White House” OK, but the two mansions and the $12,000,000 she and the rest of the crowd made the year after they left might have eased the pain. Besides, beans and rice for a year may get a little boring, but it does keep body and soul together. Just ask her Latino supporters. Slap.
“I brokered the peace in Northern Ireland.” According to the folks around the table Hillary was nowhere to be found. I have to admit that an Irish pub has a great appeal and is hard to leave. Maybe she was calling her advice in. But, these micks are my people and I have to ask, “What peace?” Slap.
Well, I can’t wait until we see her emails to clear this all up. © 2015, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

March 12, 2015 at 4:42 p03

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

2 Responses

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  1. Excellent column Jim ! Peter Jennings look alike in the making,…kinda’ like Barbie and Ken, inseparable’.

    Eldon Kilberger

    March 12, 2015 at 4:42 p03

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