Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Good days and bad days

with 2 comments

We all have good days and bad days. One can only hope that the good ones outnumber the bad, but there are some tip offs that things are going downhill in a hurry.

We all occasionally need to call tradesmen to keep the house in shape, but you know you are going to have a bad day if, for example in the case of a malfunctioning sink, you call the plumber and he shows up in a brand new Mercedes Benz van.

Let us say you walk into the First National Bank of Harmony County and while doing so you are absent mindedly going through your checkbook and you look up and see that all the customers and employees are laying on the floor with their hands clasped behind their heads. This might not be the best time to try to negotiate a fourth mortgage.

Even we staffers at the Harmony County Weekly Blister can have a bad day. If you walk into the newsroom and all the hacks are bent over their computers or are on the phone chatting away obviously working, it means they are sober. One of two bad things have happened; all the liquor stores and saloons are closed, or once again we are getting sued for libel, and the publisher is steaming mad and his desk is covered with pink slips.

It has been a miserable winter. You have been pinching pennies to save up for a summer vacation at the beach. (The kids eat too much anyway.) The great day finally arrives. You pack the car. Help the skinny kids into the back and off you go to an extremely high rent condo that overlooks the ocean. You kick back in the lounger on the balcony and the doorbell rings. Surprise! It is all of your relatives, some of whom you haven’t seen in years, and they are all carrying suitcases.

Since we are at the beach and to get away from all the uninvited guests you decide to rent a surf board and go for a relaxing paddle. You are out about a half mile from the beach absent mindedly contemplating your sins and about ten yards off three large triangular fins appear and start slowly circling the board.

From time to time we all get ill necessitating a trip to the doctor’s office. So after an hour or so wait you are hustled into an examination room. Another wait follows. Mind you are just feeling mildly out of sorts. Nothing serious, you figure maybe a shot and a prescription ought to cover it. A nurtz comes in and tosses you one of those air-conditioned gowns. Finally the doc arrives and he appears to be distracted. He tells you, “Hop on the table and put your feet in the stirrups.” If you’re a guy you’re in serious trouble.

The topper of them all is to forget an anniversary. Hope you got a comfy couch because you are about to have a bad week.© 2015, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

March 26, 2015 at 4:42 p03

Posted in Humor

2 Responses

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  1. Excellent column Jim !

    Eldon Kilberger

    March 27, 2015 at 4:42 p03

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