Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

“Going to the car wash…”

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Two of the grands came over to earn a few extra bucks. The ‘Kimchi Kruiser’ has not had a good scrubbing since last fall and what with the pollen falling down with great enthusiasm it seemed like a good match. That kind of thinking has always got me into trouble.

First off they are teenagers, second they are boys, third I believed them when they said, “We can handle this” and lastly they are Irish. So I left them at it unsupervised. What could possibly go wrong?

The first clue that things were not proceeding in an orderly fashion was when I heard the yelling. “Knock it off!” That was the mildest phrase used and the vocabulary deteriorated to phrases I have not heard since my Army days. Finally, a large spray of water hit the side of the house and through the open window so I decided to take a look.

You can imagine my lack of surprise when I went outside to find the two of them soaking wet covered with soap suds and the car now had a protective coating of mud. You know the wise and caring grandfather often portrayed on TV programs? Well, that was not me. I stood there reading them the Riot Act till they both had ashamed looks on their faces.

Thoroughly chastised I turned and stomped off. I got about three paces away and then I felt the hard spray of water on my back. I spun around and got it again full in the face. They dropped the hose and ran off with me in hot pursuit. At my age hot pursuit goes to lukewarm and on to cold, fast.

You might expect that as I was bent over gasping for breath they would have taken pity on the old man. Not these two. I got another spritz, this time on my backside. What a bunch of rotten kids. I waddled into the house to change clothes. However, this time it was swim trunks and a T-shirt. It was payback time.

The kids went back to the job at hand and were finally getting with the program, after all there was some money to be made. However, unbeknownst to them, there is another hose and nozzle on the other side of the house. I also have one of those plant feeding do-wops that screws into the hose. In addition I had a few bottles of food coloring laying around.

You can pretty much figure out what happened next. Turnabout is fair play and in a matter of seconds I had two grandkids who looked like they were ready to lead a ‘Rainbow Coalition’ parade. And here is the best part.

They lads live three blocks away. They had to walk home past their friends’ homes because there was no way they were getting into the car. I understand they had quite a reception when they got home. To quote David Mamet, “Old age and treachery will always beat youth and exuberance.

By the way I took the Kruiser to the car wash. © 2015, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

April 16, 2015 at 4:42 p04

Posted in Humor

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