Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

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Last Saturday I went to my SGIC’s (Senior Grandkid In Charge), Mary Katherine, college graduation.  It was an adventure to say the least.

The ‘wake up’ call for the trip was at zero dark thirty. Not being a morning person I was less than pleased. My usual response to the invitation to watch the sunrise is, “You go ahead. If it doesn’t rise let me know.”

In preparation of the trip I made some super strong coffee. The kind of stuff in which you could float a horseshoe. Let me tell you IT WORKED! I don’t think I blinked all day. I then took the world’s fastest shower, got dressed and sped out of town. It wasn’t till I reached the on-ramp that I realized I didn’t take my car.

MK was graduating from Landers University in Greenwood, SC. It is a small college in the Uplands. I have my suspicions about the place. It doesn’t have a football team. Can a school really call itself a university if it doesn’t have a football team? What excuse do the students have to drink cheap beer in the fall?

To say that Greenwood is out in the sticks is an understatement. It can be reached only by a two-lane road that goes through farm country. I was fully expecting to hear banjo music, ala “Deliverance.” The town itself is in contradiction to the McGowan Rule of Town Selection, “Never move to a town where the churches outnumber the saloons.”

I went to Mary Katherine’s place first before the ceremony. You can figure out what kind of setting it was located. The building behind hers was a recently raided as being a meth lab. There goes the neighborhood.

The guys that run the proceedings had to be ex-military. It was a ‘hurry up and wait’ operation. We had to be seated an hour before the start. Not that anything was happening, we just sat there staring at a dull gymnasium.

Finally the band struck up the usual “Processional” (Why don’t they play something else. Something like “When the Saints Come Marching In”.) First came the college big shots. They were followed by the faculty in some really funny hats, and finally the grads. The head beaver got up and began his talk.

His speech was, ‘Congratulations to Everybody’. He congratulated the Board of Trustees, the faculty, the staff, and the guys who fixed his toilet. As an afterthought he congratulated the graduates. In turn everybody on the podium congratulated him. It was a regular love-in.

At last we got to the handing out the diplomas. It went as expected. The grads get their name called, walk across the stage, get handed their hard earned diploma, flip off the guy presenting them and boogie back to their seats.

MK graduated with honors, but who am I to brag? However, now she has to face the ‘real world.’ Best of luck, Mary Kathrine, Grandpa Jim is always here to help. “I know a guy.” © 2015, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

May 8, 2015 at 4:42 p05

Posted in Humor

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  1. […] One down and eight more to go. […]


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