Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

A future Secretary of Fertilizers?

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The folks in Harmony County got a good laugh this week. As they say, ‘There wasn’t a dry seat in the house’. It came as a result of Senator Lindsay Graham announcing that he will/might/perhaps/maybe run for the Republican Presidential nomination. It was not him throwing his hat into the ring so much as he was dipping his pinky toe in the pool.

The Democrats, The Socialist Party, every lefty in the country and the RINOs (Republicans in Name Only) were pleased with the news. According to a Democratic spokesperson who wishes to remain anonymous, “They finally got somebody that makes Hill Dog look good.” Conservatives and real Republicans just groaned. Besides a myriad of other problems the pool is now about the size of Lake Eire. As of this writing there are 16.

Seems like everybody and their cat is striving for the Republican nomination. You got a fat guy from New Jersey, he is big enough to be president and vice-president, ex-GIs, MDs, sufficient Latinos to form a Mariachi band, a bear hunter, and who knows who else? I might just run.

What this all means is that the Republican National Convention in Cleveland in July, 2016 ought to be a classic donnybrook. I am sure that the local LEOs are just pleased as punch that it is going to be there. If you want to get a preview of what it will be like just walk into an Irish saloon around 11 o’clock on a Friday night and yell, “God save the Queen.” How’s your dental insurance?

According to various media outlets, “If Graham runs, he is likely to center his campaign around the theme of national security. He is among the most hawkish figures in the Republican Party and already has secured the support of Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), a close friend and fellow hawk.”

It did not take too much time for the Harmony Countydiots to figure out what was really going on. LG does not have the chance of the proverbial snowball to get the nomination. What he is going to do is swap out his supporter’s votes for a cushy position say, a seat as a Department Secretary or an ambassador’s position. That is fine by me just as long he becomes the Secretary of Fertilizers or the Ambassador to Antarctica.

I can hardly wait for his campaign to start. When he gets on the soapbox, being vertically challenged he needs to stand on one to be seen above the podium. I highly recommend that he does not stop in Harmony County. That is if does not want some first-hand experience as Secretary of Fertilizers. You can bet a month’s rent that he will be covered with it.

In related news the real Rhinos, the huge, grey critters with horns on their noses and like to stomp on lions for fun, have hired the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe. They are suing the Republican Party RINOs for copyright infringement and defamation of character. © 2015, Jim McGowan

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Written by harmonycounty

May 28, 2015 at 4:42 p05

Posted in Americana, Humor, Politics

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