Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

He? She? It?

with 2 comments

I can’t begin to tell you how concerned and interested I am with the He/She/It Jenner news. It is right there between the shoelace industry in China and the pollen count in Rome, GA. But, with all the ink being spilt over this Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner trim job I just cannot help myself and get a cheap shot in.

I am the last person on earth that would volunteer for surgery. For example, in flu season the folks at the VA get needle happy. One minute you are walking down the hall after a routine eye exam. The next you are jumped by four or five nurses with hypodermic needles. The throw you to the floor and leave you laying there with your pants down around your knees with a half dozen needles in your butt and they are trotting off giggling while giving one another high fives.

Somebody published a list of ‘-otomy’s’ that Jenner has volunteered to have performed on himself. I suspect he is taking guidance out of a “How To” book written by Lorena Bobbitt. Just where is he getting the money for all these surgeries? Could you imagine what his health insurance agent said just before he threw Jenner out of his office? “You want to do WHAT???!!!” I do not think his Wheaties box income is going to cover them.

The social media is cranking out Jenner stories without any let-up. Even Diane Sawyer had a two hour special interview with Jenner. It is being played every day on nearly every station. (Note to Diane: It may be time for you to retire.)

The flap even reached the International Olympic Committee. Questions were raised about allowing him to keep his Olympic medals. The OC held a press conference, a very short conference. It went this way; Reporter, “Are you taking back Jenner’s Olympic Medals?” OC representative, “No. Press conference over.” However, inside sources tell me that they are sending Jenner some pink ribbons for the medals.

Let us get serious for just a few seconds. First off Jenner is 65-years-old. If you want to do something at that age do volunteer work. Where does this action stack up against the accomplishments of Rosa Parks, or Eleanor Roosevelt or for Michelle Obama for that matter? And you can guess I am not MO’s biggest fan.

I suppose there will be a few people that will gain by Jenner’s actions. Jenner is going to need a complete new wardrobe. That might raise some changing room issues. Then if Jenner needs to use the head while out in public which one will be his bathroom of choice? Spoiler alert, according to Bill Maher he is still keeping his original equipment. Then what is the correct choice, a Mother’s Day card, a Father’s Day card, or both? He? She? It? Say it three times real fast, but not when the kids are around.

Well, this flap will eventually go away. Not soon enough for me. Then we can go back to important issues like Kim Kardashian. © 2015, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

June 11, 2015 at 4:42 p06

Posted in Humor

2 Responses

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  1. Jim, excellent column !! Guessing, his/ her local Goodwill store is the big winner here !

    Eldon Kilberger

    June 11, 2015 at 4:42 p06

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