Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

It’s a grand new flag.

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Woof!!! This has been a very interesting week flag and a word that rhymes with ‘flag’ here in Harmony County. The whole Confederate/Rebel/Virginia Battle Flag was viewed without the passion that seems to have taken over the internet social media. It is an old story.

Way back when the colonies declared their independence the Harmony Countydiots supported neither side. They just waited to see who was winning and then they would run up that particular flag. They wore out a lot of rope.

Knowing the reputation of the local yokels both the American and British sent the powers that were a polite note saying that there was no need to fly their respective flags. They had reputations to preserve and not strangely enough they really did not want to be associated with Harmony County.

Nearly one hundred years later the Civil War/ War Between the States/ War of Northern Aggression broke out. Being located in ‘the Heart of Dixie’ up went the Stars and Bars. Not that anyone in the County owned slaves. The feeling was that it was not a good idea to forcibly bring people into the county since these folks were smarter and more honest than the local citizens.

History repeated itself and another polite note was received, this time from the Confederate government saying that their flag need not be raised, pretty much for the same reasons. For the second time the folks in the county were rebuffed. This was an open wound that has festered to just this week. More about this issue later.

The next issue that hit close to home was the Supreme Court’s decision to allow same-sex marriages in all “fifty-six” states, (That is a President Obama quote.) The sanctity of the home and the privacy of the bedroom are important to County folk. However, it has nothing to do with sexual choice. It has all to do with not worrying about any authorities walking into an operational meth lab.

The only guy who was excited by the SCOTUS ruling was Bernie the Attorney. To him it was a dream come true. Not that he is an ardent supporter of gay rights we are talking strictly business. Now everyone has the right to be miserable.

According to the NY Times, “All those married couples can make use of the court system if things go wrong. They can argue over who gets the Tupperware, how to divide the retirement plans and who gets the paintings they bought each other for birthday presents. They can involve all of the mutual friends in a discussion of how much alimony should be paid from one spouse to the other. Once they each spend a fortune on the lawyers, they can even argue over whether one should pay some or all of the other’s attorney’s fees.” Bernie could not be happier.

So now Harmony County has a flag. It is the Rainbow Flag with the ‘Stars and Bars’ overlaid and a Cross, star of David, Buddha, and Crescent moon in the spaces. Everybody gets insulted. © 2015, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

July 2, 2015 at 4:42 p07

Posted in Humor

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