Harmony County

2011 & 2009 Winner of "Best Humor Column" awarded by the SC Press Association

Droning on

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Not to be outdone, the recent fascination with drones has come to Harmony County. To say the air is abuzz is putting it mildly. It has gotten to the point where even the crows are walking. Probably the only good thing is that parked cars are no longer the targets for aerial bombardment.

For quite some time Rev. Graball of the Harmony County Church of The Blessed Collection Plate had the monopoly on droning. Every Sunday morning when he was in his pulpit you were guaranteed two things. The first you were about to spend three of the most boring hours of your life in an extremely uncomfortable pew. The second, if you could refrain from snoring, you could catch up on your sleep since you came crawling through the door at two a.m. Falling out of the pew is frowned upon.

The utility of the current airborne fad was quickly grasped by some of the more enterprising Countydiots. Those who are involved in the personality altering substance trade found a new delivery system. The phrase, “Getting high” had a new definition. This did not last too long since the Sheriff quickly put up some drones of his own. Some interesting mini-dogfights followed and the drones with badges soon controlled the sky over Harmony County.

Some of the more curious people in the County have turned the drones to their advantage. The ‘peeping Toms’ of the county have expanded their area of operations. Various beaches and pools now have steady buzzing noises coming from above. However, the operators have not taken into consideration the fact that most Countydiots are armed and know how to use their weapons. The last time that much flak was in the air was during the Battle of Britain.

One of the snoopers made a costly mistake in target selection. Grannie Fannie Finstermacher occasionally likes to sunbathe in her back yard. She does wearing only a smile. The drone was at high altitude and the operator moved in for a closer look. To his horror he found himself staring at wrinkle-city. He gasped in horror and lost control of his aircraft. It crashed nearby. The poor guy has not had a night’s sleep because of a recurring nightmare. Some things just cannot be forgotten.

People are not the only ones who are having difficulties with the drones. Hunting dogs throughout the County are going wild. Bird dogs in particular are going nuts. With all the drones flying around the pups immediately take up the point and freeze the minute they go outside. The county is now filled with hairy statues in every dog run.

As you might expect folks have become fed up with 100’s of these things flying around invading all types of privacy. A guy can’t set up a meth lab or grow a half-acre of Carolina Skull Crusher without having the spies in the sky buzzing about. You can bet every lawman is tapping into the broadcasts.

Consequently, the price of shotgun ammo has gone up too.© 2015, Jim McGowan


Written by harmonycounty

July 23, 2015 at 4:42 p07

Posted in Humor

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